An apology
by OhGodwhyamidoingthis69
Summary: After his godfather's death, Harry realizes he has a lot to apologize to Severus about. A friendship slowly blossoms, exploding into something much more. SS/HP slash, 6th year Harry,a small amount of Dumbledore bashing, character death.
1. Chapter 1

Harry lay, looking into the black ceiling of his room at number 12 Grimmauld place. He couldn't sleep, despite the heaviness of his eyes. Every time he did, even for a moment, he was attacked by dreams of his godfather. In these dark and tourterous nights, he saw so many things. Blacks final moments, face twisted in agony before disappearing into the curtain of death. A young Sirius, celebrating James and Lily's wedding. Black as a dog, sitting happily by the fire. The wild look in his eyes as he almost caught pettigrew. The last words he ever said. It was like his mind couldn't accept that he was dead and so kept creating montages of him, to fool Harry even if just for a moment.

Eventually dawn came and Harry made his way listlessly down to the kitchen. He wanted breakfast before the others woke up, he hated seeing their concerned looks, fielding their questions about how he was, how he slept. It was enough to make him miss the Dursley's and Privet drive, at least they wouldn't smother him. Silence was so much easier.

Toast in hand, he made his way back to his room, there to fight sleep once more.

It was impossible to tell how many days he spent like that. Ron and hermione tried to help, they often came to check on him, bringing tea and sweets and jokes. But it only made Harry feel worse. Everything made Harry wonder what Sirius would have thought of it, would he have laughed at that joke?Did he like ice mice? Had he ever woken up in this bed before, looked out the window and wanted to die, like Harry did so many mornings? He'd never know. There was so much he didn't know, would never know.

One day mid summer (before or after his birthday? He wasn't sure) he made his way down to the kitchen. Expecting to be the only one awake at this early hour, he was shocked to hear voices.

"Three days it's been…it was meant to take a few hours" came mrs weasley's voice. "You don't think…?"

"Who knows Molly. I don't think anyone apart from dumbledore really knows what he does. Could be a normal delay...could be much worse." Her husband replied.

"I don't think I could bare to lose him too. I know he's incorrigible….I know he hates us. But…"

"But he's a very brave man. Who deserves a lot better than he's had. I know Molly. But Snape can handle himself, he always has."

"His luck can't last forever, Arthur. I just hope he comes back soon."

Mr Weasley simply sighed. Harry stood still, desperate for more information. But-

"We shouldn't be talking about this anyway. No use worrying and no point alarming the others. Especially not the children"

Harry swore softly and made his way back up the stairs, bumping into Ron and hermione, both yawning and bleary eyed.

"Do you know where snape is?" Harry asked suddenly. Hermione let out a small yelp and Ron jumped slightly. It took Harry a moment to figure out why, this must have been the first time he'd spoken to them in about a month. Hermione was the first to recover from the shock.

"Oh! Harry! I, uh, no? Why? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah…" Harry said slowly. He wasn't sure why he was so concerned, but it seemed to help him, to bring him out of himself. For the first time in a long time he had something else to focus on, even if it was anxiety. It seemed to bring the whole world into focus.

He took a deep breath. "I'm just worried… anyway. I'm sorry I've been so...distant, recently. I think I needed time to…" he trailed off.

"Of course Harry" hermione said, throwing her arms around him.

"I have to admit mate, we've been pretty worried." Ron said, standing awkwardly behind Hermione, not sure if he should join in the hug or not.

"Sorry" Harry said, disentangling himself from hermione. "I've had a lot to think about."

"Of course Harry! Do you want to talk about it? I-"

"Let's play exploding snap" he said suddenly. And they did. The game was fast and exciting, and Harry felt alive. He was still anxious, still grieving, still sad. But the world was somehow sharper, more engaging.

It was another two days before Severus did return. There was a cut across his face and his robes were torn, but he said nothing, merely reporting the facts of his mysterious mission to a select few and retreating back to his own home.

Harry's stable mood continued, and soon he was eagerly awaiting the hogwarts express, all worries of snape forgotten in the anxious anticipation of a return to school- and potions class…


	2. Chapter 2

It was just what Harry hated most- double potions with the slytherins. They had only been back three weeks, and already Harry had been handed his second detention by Snape. He was really trying this year too, which made Snape's unashamed targeting of him particularly unfair. For the first week he kept his head down and held his tongue.

For the second, he couldn't help resentment creeping in. By the third, he was moaning loudly to Ron and hermione about how unfair it all was.

One night, not so long into the school year, they found themselves in the familiar common room, in the familiar possession: Hermione working, Ron eating sweets, Harry brooding.

"I don't know why it's getting to me so much." Harry said, staring into the fire. "I just hate this feeling. It's so unfair. I keep feeling like...I don't know, like I want to do something."

"It's Guilt" hermione said tartly. "You feel guilty for how rude you've been to him. I still remember that time you attacked him in our third year."

"You attacked him too!" Harry spluttered, remembering vividly that time in the shrieking shack.

"Yes but I apologized. I sent him a letter and a basket of singing fruit that summer." Hermione said, a hint of pride in her voice. "And he's actually been rather nice to me ever since. Well. As nice as he gets anyway." She added quickly.

"Really?" Harry said

"that certainly doesn't sound like him" Ron chimed in "You just can't accept that some teachers are rubbish hermione"

But something clicked with Harry. This strange neediness suddenly had a name; guilt, maybe even shame. He wanted to be on good terms with Snape. Suddenly, he wanted it more than anything else in the world. Snape was a link to his family. Really, the only link, with Black dead and Lupin undercover. He had to try. His insides squeezed with a sudden desperation and he jumped to his feet.

"Yeah, maybe I should apologize too" he said, grabbing a quill and particularly nice piece of parchment.

"Oh harry!" Hermione squealed in excitement.

"No one ever listens to me. " Ron moaned.

But when he sat back down, he realized it was a lot easier said than done. It took him over two hours to get the letter exactly right, and it was only a few words. He couldn't bring himself to be too apologetic (there were something's he'd never apologize for- like being his father's son. If Snape couldn't get over that, well…he felt himself shaking with rage at the thought.) but at the same time...he did feel a little bit bad, looking back.

"Professor snape," the letter read "I wonder if I could have a moment of your time? I've had some time to think over the summer and I've realized that there are somethings I need to apologize to you for. And some things to thank you for. Would you have time to discuss this? If not, know that I am sorry for many of the things that have happened between us. Harry Potter"

He gave it to hedwig late that night, secretly hoping for a response before breakfast, carefully feigning disinterest in front of Ron and hermione.

Severus, meanwhile was having a horrible night. He had to grade essays on shrinking solutions and he still had to finish all of the Ravenclaw's. God they were insufferable know it alls, essays twice as long as he assigned, with an arrogant, contemptuous tone, as if they were teaching him...brats. He jumped at the tapping of the window. He knew it was from Harry as soon as he saw hedwig, and his heart sank. He let her in and ripped the letter open open, already angry. His jaw dropped. He read it three or four times before he sat down to write.

"Mr Potter,

I am utterly shocked to receive your letter"

And there he stopped, clueless as to what to say next. He started at the letters, for once utterly stupefied. His first thought was that it simply must be a trap of some kind. But what? To get him alone to duel him? A twisted smile played at Severus's lips. If that was the reason, Harry would deeply regret it. But it didn't totally make sense as a reason...why not duel him in detention? They were alone then too. He couldn't make any sense of it. All he knew was no son of James Potter could ever be good news.

Two weeks he made Harry wait. He was sure it was a trap somehow.

Each day, Harry became more and more desperate, more and more scared. His heart skipped a beat every time he saw Severus- and sank when he left.

Eventually, even Severus knew he could wait no longer. One evening in the start of October, he wrote-

"Dear Mr Potter,

I am utterly shocked to receive your letter, and though I am curious I simply do not have the time to listen to senseless drivel too late to make any difference."

He attached it to a regular school owl, returning quickly to grading papers.

Harry has been expecting this, but it was still an intense blow. He refused to admit (even to himself) that his bottom lip trembled slightly and his eyes watered. But he still knew what he wanted to say. Harry's response was instant.

"Professor- I understand, I don't mean to demand even more of your time. Thank you for everything you've done. And I'm sorry for many things."

Severus was shocked to receive a reply. He sat back in his arm chair and sighed as a thought reluctantly bubbled to the surface; _he's Lilly's son too._

Relcuntangly, he wrote back.

"Mr Potter. I have to admit I am curious. And I perhaps have time. When do you propose meeting?"

This stunned Harry. He was just getting into his pajamas, reluctantly surrendering to another night of awful sleep and broken dreams, when hedwig swooped in, looking particularly proud of herself and dropping the letter right on top of him. He read it with trembling hands and a massive, foolish grin. He raced back down to the common room, only half dressed, retrieving his best parchment to write back. He was so excited, he blotted the page in his haste, but he figured he had to catch Severus when he was still in this forgiving mood.

"Professor- whenever is convenient for you. Wherever you'd like. We could do the room of requirement sometime this week? Or I could take you out for a drink at the next Hogsmeade weekend?"

Harry was secretly hoping that Severus wouldn't go for that last suggestion. It was a long way away, not for another 3 weeks and Harry was too impatient for that. The response surprised him.

"Potter- let's do Hogsmeade. The three broomsticks, this Friday at 7. It's not an official Hogsmeade weekend, that's never seemed to have stopped you before."

Hardy ignored this dig. He had the feeling it would be the first of many. He agreed eagerly, Friday suddenly seemed a long way away.

And then it was Friday and Harry desperately wished he had more time. What was he going to say? What was Snape going to say? What should he wear? For this last question, he took Hermione's advice.

"Better to go overdressed than underdressed." She said, looking up from "a standard book of spells, grade six". "He'll know your serious that way. Go too causal and he might read it as insulting. He _is_ a bit sensitive"

Harry agreed, in theory. But he seemed to have three types of clothes; ridiculously formal, hand downs from Dudley, and his quidditch robes, none of witch fit the bill.

Eventually, he borrowed a well fitting blue button up from Dean Thomas and used a quick shrinking charm on a pair of Dudley's old jeans. They actually fit rather well by the time he was done with them. He added a quick cologne charm and threw on his invisibility cloak, making his way silently down to the village. Hermione muttered a soft "good luck" as she felt him pass by.

The closer he got to Hogsmeade the more real it got, the more he wished he could cancel. But that would be tantamount to suicide as snape would surely kill him.

He was kicking himself for this stupid idea as he sat down at a back table. He was also ridiculously early (almost an hour) he was so afraid of being late. His breathing was unsteady and he was just wondering if he was devolving into a full blown panic attack when Snape passed by the window- and suddenly everything got worse.

He swore his heart skipped a beat and legs twitched so hard he had to steady the table. But as the door opened and the man himself stepped in, Harry felt something else, a steely resolve not to let anything show. Not to be beaten. He took a deep breath and planted a smile on his face. He stood most courteously as Snape approached. (He was, once again, utterly shocked and made no effort to hide his astonishment that Harry was capable of good manners).

They both sat down and Harry felt, weirdly, oddly calm. "Thanks for meeting me." He started. Severus merely nodded.

For his part, he was still certain this was a trap of some kind. He simply couldn't believe that Harry's motives were pure, and more than anything, he had come to find out what was really going on. Maybe this was all a prelude to asking him a favor? Maybe Harry had tricked him into leaving the castle to the rest of his nasty friends could steal from him again. He'd be doing a most careful inventory that night.

"So, I-" but before Harry could say any more, Madame Rosmerta had come with menus.

Severus didn't need it, he knew exactly what he was having. The most expensive thing on the menu. He ordered a shockingly expensive glass of wine and smirked when Harry let out a sound, as if he had somehow found the edge of his sincerity already.

"Is there a problem?" Severus asked silkily, daring Harry to protest.

"Actually, I thought we might like to get a bottle. We could need it tonight."

Severus shrugged, "as long as you can handle it, I have no intention of dragging you back to the castle."

Harry fought to keep his temper and spoke through gritted teeth. "I'll be fine." He straightened up to speak to Madam Rosmerta, who seemed to be particularly entertained by this conversation. He had a feeling she'd be eavesdropping a lot.

"How about a bottle of this Abreu Cabernet Sauvignon Thorevilos?" Severus suggested maliciously. Again, it was the most expensive thing.

"Sure" Harry said, not bothering to look at it. He just wanted a drink. All wine tasted the same to him anyway.

Madame Rosmerta hurried off before they could change their mind, excited to make such a big sale.

"Shouldn't you have looked at that?" Severus said, disapproval evident in his voice. He had a sudden, horrific realization that Harry might be expecting him to pay. That would absolutely not be happening.

"Not really." Harry said. "You seemed to be excited about it, and I'm not picky, so…"

"You're picky about the price, I presume."

"Not really." Harry said again. "Money is made to be spent, isn't it? That's the point of it. And plus, Ron and Hermione don't let me spend money on them. I think their embarrassed they can't reciprocate. It makes a nice change, actually. How much was it anyway?" He asked as an afterthought.

"Well over a thousand gallons" Severus replied, stunned. And a little impressed.

"Ah, well it's worth it if you enjoy it" Harry said easily. That amount was simply not a problem for him. "Now, shall we start-"

But Madame Rosmerta was back. In fact, she was back with a whole host of people, each congratulating them on their recent purchase. The chief practically begged them on bended knee to allow him to make a dish for them, specially paired to the wine. Harry said yes in an effort to make them go away, Severus seemed genuinely excited.

Finally, at long last, they were left alone. Harry made eye contact with Severus and quickly looked away again. Suddenly he wished those people were back, to save him from having to-

"So what did you want to say?" Severus asked.

"Uhhhhhh." Harry started. He fidgeted nervously. "I don't really know where to begin, there's a lot of stuff… actually, I made a list." And from his robes he unrolled two large scrolls of parchment.

Severus merely watched. He was impressed, he had to admit it to himself. Harry had put effort into this. The thought that this may all be genuine made him incredibly uncomfortable. The possibility that Harry wasn't manipulating him had in that moment just occurred to him. He took a large gulp of wine, trying to wash the idea back down.

"Alright. So first of all, I wanted to generally apologize for all of those times I was rude to you or yelled at you."

Severus made a strange sort of choking noise, somewhere between disbelief and agreement.

"I know there have been a lot of times… I can't remember all of the honestly. But there are a few that really stand out in my mind…"

He even had subsections in his notes. Hermione had helped. Actually, she very annoyingly kept reminding him of times he'd been awful. But he guessed that was helpful, in a way.

Eventually the food came, and it was truly delicious. Severus had to admit...it wasn't the worst night he'd ever had. A Thousand galleon bottle of wine, and his least favorite student begging forgiveness. It felt good. Not an emotion Severus was expecting. But why?! Why was Harry doing this, he wondered. The question gnawed at him.

"Okay" Harry said, in between bites of pork. "I want you to know that I didn't steal that gillyweed from you-"

"Potter why on earth would I believe that? The whole school knew you weren't ready for that challenge. And then I get robbed and you just happen to have that exact same thing the next day. Don't be insane Potter. Insane and insulting, that you expect me to believe that." Severus was back to being pissed off again, certain he was being lied too.

"It's the truth." Harry started. Severus snorted. "It is! Look...I'm friends with this house elf. And he knew I was struggling, like you said, and he stole it for me. I didn't know he was going to do it! I certainly didn't ask him too. But when he arrived with it… I couldn't say no." Harry explained, mainly to his half eaten food. He couldn't bare to look Severus in the face.

"You have always had remarkably loyal friends" Severus said, slowly, suspiciously. "But how do you expect me to believe a story which so conveniently absolves you from any guilt?"

Harry gulped. He had been dreading this question. "Because...I'll be honest about the time I actually did steal from you."

He snuck a look at Severus. His eyes flashed dangerously and his nostrils were flared. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to butcher Harry right on the was probably a good thing they met in public.

"Go on," Severus said, voice cold enough to freeze waves. "Enlighten me." He took another large gulp of wine, almost finishing the entire glass in one mouthful.

Harry said it in a rush. "Do you remember that time in my second year when someone threw a firework into a cauldron? Well, that was us and we stole quite a lot from your private stock."

Rage exploded inside Severus, worse than he had ever felt before. In an instant he had drawn his wand. Under the table, he sent a powerful curse at Harry, binding his legs with hot irons, burning and squeezing him. Harry shook, breathing deeply, trying to manage the pain.

Severus stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He stalked away, coming to rest against an old house. And he laughed. It was the first deep, aching laugh he'd had in years. And he didn't understand why he was doing it or where it had come from. He knew he must look completely deranged. But it felt so good to be vindicated. He had known, he had been sure for years. He told dumbledore, he told McGonagall. None of them believed him. At the thought of them, he became quite still, any laughter dying in the wind. He marched back.

"Do you know how much that fucked me over?" Severus asked, leaning close.

"No…" Harry said, in fear and pain.

"I knew it was you. I always have done. Like I know it was you who saved Buckbeak and I know you can sneak into Hogsmeade. I told Dumbledore, I told McGonagall. I even warned the Weasley's and every one of them laughed at me. They believe me when I spy for the dark lord, they make me risk my neck for the barest scrap of information. But when it comes to you, suddenly anything I say is laughable, suddenly it doesn't matter. No matter how much proof I have, you are always trusted, always believed, no matter how stupid and reckless you are. And I am thrown away. And that's why I hate you."

That strange hysteria was back again. He couldn't tell if he was going to laugh or cry, he just knew he wanted to hurt Harry.

"And that time. With the firecracker, you hurt your fellow students, remember? And no one, I don't care who you are, should be able to get away with attacking another student. So I pushed it. I wanted you to be questioned. That's all, it's not a lot to ask, is it? Dumbledore wouldn't hear of it, probably knew you were guilty, I expect. But I wouldn't let it go, I threatened to quit, I threatened to get the school board involved. (Didn't you ever wonder why they did nothing? Malloy's own son?) he stepped in before I could do anything. He said that it wasn't a firecracker, he said it was faulty equipment, said it was my fault for not checking them properly. He brought new cauldrons. _And he took it out of my pay_. It was more than everything I earn in a year, I worked for nothing, for an entire year to cover your stupidity."

He lifted the curse from Harry's legs. Harry gasped and bent low over the table, trying not to scream, not to cry.

"So while I appreciate your apology, Potter, it does nothing for me." And with that he grabbed the bottle of wine and left, making his way back to the castle.

Harry stayed for a long time, shaking.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Severus sat, alone in his classroom, all students long gone. He watched the light dim and the torches burn out, until he was left in the cold and the dark.

Over the next few days, the hysterical feeling did not abate. He felt wild, he felt degranged, as if he was suddenly thrown into an alternate universe where everything was familiar, but nothing made sense. And under all that was one familiar feeling, guilt. He shouldn't have cursed Harry. He knew that. He was reminded every time he saw him limping through the hallways. Until he went off the rails, he'd actually really been enjoying talking with someone, eating with someone. It was with a hollow shame that he admitted to himself that he had never had that with anyone. Once, when he was a student, he'd had coffee with a girl. But was it, he was bullied as a child and hated as an adult. It was ridiculously foolish to attack the one person who had ever shown any interest in talking to him properly. He started to go to bed much, much earlier. He liked the stillness, needed the darkness. That's where he found himself, at barely half past five, when an owl softly announced herself at his window. He jumped up, allowing the familiar snowy in grabbing the letter.

"Professor- I'm sorry, again, about what happened. Would you allow me to reimburse you for that year without pay? I assure you, I had no idea that happened and would have taken any punishment over that. I'm sorry too that the evening ended the way it did. I had hoped that we'd build bridges, not make things worse. It was extremely foolish of me. I hope you're okay. Respectfully, Harry"

Severus was in such a hurry to reply that he merely scribbled on the back of Harry's note and forced it on Hedwig.

"Potter- lets meet tonight, 7pm? Same place. I won't curse you."

Harry confirmed immediately. It was beyond his wildest dreams that Severus would want to meet him again. He was aching to talk to the man though, what he'd said that night had bought up so many wasn't angry about the curse. He felt he deserved it. In fact Hermione had offered to heal the wounds instantly, but he refused. It was a penance, a punishment, and he had to endure it. He showered, changed and set off and quickly as he could, not caring amount the mountain of half finished homework he left behind.

He was there early, but, to his surprise, so was Severus. He approached the table cautiously, undeniably nervous. Severus has the good grace to be ashamed, although he didn't show it.

"Hello…" Harry said, sitting down hesitantly.

Severus nodded curtly, unsure of what to say. Suddenly he was tongue tied. Unable to quite remember why he wanted to talk.

"So I presume you wanted to talk about that reimbursement?" Harry asked. But Severus didn't want that. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was loneliness. But he wanted something else.

"I wanted to hear more of your apologies. I presume you weren't done."

"Oh. Right." Harry said, still a little bit jumpy. "Oh no, I forgot my list at the castle. I didn't think we'd need it. I thought-"

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but at the moment Madame Rosmerta came over, clearly remembering that the gargantuan amount of money spent the previous night and hoping for another, similar bill.

"Now what can I get you gentlemen? Having dinner I presume? There's a particularly fine wine..."

Severus cast a glance at Harry. Harry, who had become expert at dealing with such financially embracing matters (Ron really was _very_ sensitive about such things) turned to him and said "will you allow me to treat you to dinner again? Start over?" He offered generously.

"That would be acceptable" Severus said, more to the table than Harry.

Severus also refrained from ordering any more ultra expensive wine, although Harry tried to insist. Madame Rosmerta was deeply disappointed.

"So…" Harry said. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?"

Severus sighed. This had probably been a stupid idea. What he had really wanted was to turn back the clock, back to when things were surprisingly enjoyable, when all he had to worry about was fine wines and listening to Harry apologize. But you can never go back.

"I was curious to know what else was on that list." He said slowly. "But if you don't have it, I guess it's a bit pointless." He stood up to go. To both their surprise, Harry grabbed him by the wrist. "Wait. Please. I can remember a lot of it. And...we can talk and...you know, if there's anything you want to bring up… you can- you can ask."

Severus stared at where Harry was still holding him. He sat back down. Harry beamed.

"Thank you. So. Uh. Let's see." He ran a hand through his already messy hair, frowning slightly. "I don't want to, you know...start us off in the wrong foot. But the main ones I remember are...pretty heavy."

Severus nodded. "I've already said I won't curse you."

"Well...do you want to talk about Buckbeak and Blacks escape?"

A flash of anger crossed Severus's face, but he tempered it. "How did you do it?" He asked simply.

"Used a time turner."

Severus nodded. "I was going to get an order of Merlin, first class for catching Black you know. Really would have solved all my financial problems from the year before."

"I'm sorry" Harry said, shoulders sagging.

"It's okay. " Severus replied, surprising them both. Harry looked up at him, a strange feeling in his chest, like he was expanding somehow. Severus was such a good man. Not easy, but good. Was it respect that bubbled inside of him? He wasn't sure. But he was so glad to be where he was, talking to who he was. It was an honor. Maybe that's what he felt. Honored.

From there the food arrived and they had a brief, strange, enjoyable conversation about it. They both concluded that it was not as good as the other night. Maybe the chief was angry with them for not ordering anymore gourmet wine.

From there they lapsed into a conversation about Harry's fourth year. Harry even made Severus smile, and when he did, his heart soared. It felt like such a win, such an achievement. They even spoke about dumbledore, his strengths and his weaknesses. Eventually, Harry was bold enough to say,

"You know, there another thing i've always meant to thank you for. Many but..one sticks out for some reason"

"Oh?" Severus said, arching one eyebrow.

"Do you remember...in my third year… i was really rude to you, again." He said awkwardly laughing to dispel the tension. It didn't really work. "And uh, you made Hermione Ron and I write an essay about poisons and how to detect them? You probably don't remember-"

"I do. Vividly." Snape cut in.

"Ah. Sorry. Well, i thought that was really good of you. I really needed to know all that stuff and well… in hindsight, it was a pretty gentle punishment."

Severus nodded vigorously, as if to say, "you think?"

Harry continued, feeling brave. "There were lots of times...lots of times when even you weren't very harsh to me. Like...that time… you know...you remember." He said, going pink.

"Potter even I'm not that good. What unforgivably stupid episode are you referring to now?"

"That timer that malfoy saw my head in hogsmeade and-"

"Oh god. I remember all too well."

"Yeah. Sorry…"

"Maybe you should apologize to Malfoy as well." Severus suggested. The look on Harry's face was enough to make him laugh out loud, a good, strong genuine laugh. Even though he was deeply repulsed by the idea, Harry couldn't help but smile. He could bask in that laugh forever.

"Perhaps not then." Severus said. "What about that unfortunate incident anyway?"

"Why didn't you punish me? You could have, even for just for being rude. But then Lupin

came in and you had that fight about the map and…"

But a darkness fell over Severus's face. Slowly he said "I don't want to talk about Lupin."

"Of course" Harry said, back peddling madly. "I just wondered. Uh, no matter, it's not important." And he jumped into another topic as quickly as he could. It worked surprisingly well. Severus had to make a conscious choice to move on, to not dwell in his anger. But he did it and the night ended only when they were kicked out. They walked back to the castle in silence, neither wanting to push the other too far. Harry surreptitiously snuck glances at Severus, sure he was being stealthy until-

The clouds parted and the light of the full moon hit the other man. His face was illuminated in a way Harry had never seen before, it made him glow. A soft breeze lifted his hair and his long body seemed to prowl through the night. Suddenly, without warning, it was the most beautiful thing had had ever seen. Beautiful enough to make Harry gasp. Severus wheeled around "what?!" He demanded looking panicked.

"Nothing" Harry said quickly.

"Potter" Severus growled. "If there's something-"

"There isn't. It's just, you know… I thought I saw something. The moonlight...it was a log. I saw it out of the corner of my eye and it surprised me. Sorry"

Severus chuckled, Harry's heart soared. "I know what you mean, I do that occasionally. Don't worry about it. It's good to be on your guard. I'm impressed that you even noticed there was a log back there."

Harry blushed. He hadn't, he'd just made it up. In no time at all, they were back at the castle, where they parted ways wordlessly. Harry was too wrapped in his own thoughts to even notice. Surely… surely that was just a passing fancy? It must just be hormones, he assured himself. But something told him it wasn't as simple as that. No, this suddenly made things make a lot more sense... That night, he slept soundly and deeply, dreaming only of soft black hair and milky, luminescent skin.

Things were looking better for Severus as well, although only just. Gone was the hysterical desperation, although he did feel a deep, uncomfortable need to see Harry again. Harry made him feel listened to. And appreciated. He blushed at the thought. But as one unruly class after another spoke over him, disrespected him, and ignored him, he decided he didn't care so much. But a week passed and there was no letter from Harry, no invitation to dinner, no more apologies. More than once, Severus picked up a quill to write his own invitation. But he could never quite put quill to paper. What was he to say? Demand more money, more apologies? That felt a bit rude, even to him. And so he made a big mistake.

"Detention!" He bellowed as Harry's cauldron bubbled over, sending a mass of students scuttling away from him, lest the green concoction make their shoes melt (again). "Did I not clearly state to ONLY stir counter clockwise? And that there must be at least three bats wings?!"

Harry held his tongue, but only just. He had done all that, he'd followed the book perfectly. And he'd taken notes! Draco and Pansy Parkinson jeered at him, Severus continued his barrage of abuse "I have never seen anyone worse at taking directions. Tell me boy, are you too arrogant or too stupid? You do realize, don't you Potter, that there are third years that could complete this potion in their sleep?"

With out waiting for a response he vanished Harry's potion, made him start again and spat "see me after class"

Harry was incensed. He took his rage out on his bat wings, chopping them so finely they were almost a powder. How could he?! Good god, the man must realize how hard he was trying. But he knew, deep down, he _was_ a little distracted. He had been ever since their last meal. He couldn't concentrate when snape was around. His voice, his walk, his smell…. Even now, after just being awarded a detention from him, Harry watched his retreating back with barely concealed lust. Of course, at this very moment, Harry wanted to bend him over and fuck him so hard he couldn't walk, let alone bully Harry anymore. Most of his fantasies were a lot more gentle than that.

Harry tutted and went back to his potion. He must be going mad, he decided.

By the time class was over, he had worked himself up into a real temper. This potion wasn't any better than the last, in fact it was probably worse as it was still green but now let off a strange, skunk like odor. (Hermione's was blue and smelled distinctly minty, and he was ready to bet everything he owned that her's was the correct one).

At the end of class he marched to Snape's desk, positively shaking with fury.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"Potter, you can't possibly be very apologetic about being rude to me, _as you are clearly continuing to do so right now_." Severus said, a sneer on his face.

"I'm sorry" Harry said, sarcasm bleeding into every word. "I just don't understand why I got detention, I thought you, as a teacher, were supposed to teach me. Why not try that for a change instead of just giving out detentions?"

Severus felt a flash of anger tighten his muscles and he was ready to bite back, an angry retort already on his lips. But he remembered what it was like after he cursed Harry and he pushed his anger down. He needed to save this.

"I have called you for detention because I needed to speak with you, and I have reason to believe that my owls are being intercepted." He lied. "If you don't want to, you can leave. Tell your friends I docked points or something."

It had the desired effect, Harry blushed furiously, the anger that was so strong just a moment ago doused into humility.

"Sorry…" he said sheepishly.

"And I didn't help you because you had entirely the wrong set of ingredients. Dried ravenswing instead of bat wing? You should know the difference by now Potter…"

Harry blushed again. So that's why the wings got so powdery….

"In any case, apart from that one (absolutely crucial) detail, you did well enough. It was fine apart from that."

"Oh. Good." Harry said, sheepishly. "So. Yes. Detention. When? And what did you want to speak about?"

Ah. Now he'd backed himself into a corner. He couldn't simply demand that Harry continue to buy him dinner, and he couldn't keep harassing Harry about the apologies… he had only one option.

"After your...frank confession the other night I feel the need to also...share some details." He said.

Harry was instantly intrigued. "Okay" he said, with obvious enthusiasm. "Can we do it Sunday evening?" Sunda was still four days away, but…

"there's the first quidditch game on Saturday and, well…" Harry explained.

"Of course." Severus said. "And I can't keep asking you to buy me meals-"

"Oh I don't mind at all!" Harry exclaimed. "I was actually thinking we could try somewhere new...although, uh…" he stopped short. Severus raised an eyebrow.

"There was one place I wanted to try. In France, but...you know I can't apparate and I don't have access to the floo network…"

He let the poorly veiled request hang in the air. "We can use mine" Severus said, although he was instantly suspicious again. Was this why Harry had wanted to speak to him? A long build up to a home robbery perhaps?

"Thanks!" Harry beamed. They made plans and parted ways, less sad than usual, more optimistic than they had any real right to be.

Harry had to run to lunch, but he made it. He slotted himself between Ron and Hermione, both of whom looked sympathetically at him.

"Not going so well with the greasy git?" Ron asked.

"It's...hard work." Harry said delicately. He didn't like concealing things from them, it was bothering him that he couldn't tell them about his feelings.

He put down his spoon suddenly and invited them for a walk. It wasn't hard to get Ron to skip class (especially "History of Magic") and Hermione had a free period anyway. They strolled gently down to the lake, the fall leaves reflected beautifully in its still surface.

He decided to start slowly. He opened his mouth, closed it again. They both looked at him as if he'd gone mad. Knowing nothing better to do, he just blurted it out. "I'm gay."

"Oh thank god for that" hermione said breathing a sigh of relief like she'd just been told she'd beaten cancer.

"Is that all?" Ron asked, rubbing a stitch in his side "Thank Merlin"

"What's all this about?" Harry asked, thunderstruck.

"Harry, the way you've been acting we thought there was something really serious going on." Hermione explained.

"Like you wanted to hunt He Who Must Not Be Named yourself." Said Ron.

"Or you wanted us to make some exceptionally dangerous potion again-"

"Or sneak into the forbidden forest-"

"Or become animagi like your dad-"

"Or steal from gringotts-"

"Or-"

"Okay! Okay I get your point" Harry said, laughing. "I'm sorry if I've worried you."

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances. "I wouldn't say we were worried Harry…" Hermione started. "I mean you seem fine. Honestly...you just kind of seem like you don't want to be our friend anymore" She said, suddenly examining the long grass, unable to look at Harry.

"What?!" Harry bellowed.

Ron shrugged. "It's true" he said "you don't really talk to us much these days. And I mean, we want to give you space and all that, but… well it's been a while since we like, hung out together, you know?"

Harry couldn't bare to look at them, instead he joined Hermione in examining the gass. "I'm sorry" he said, for what felt like the millionth time. "I do still want to be friends, I didn't know…" he stopped when his voice cracked. God he really was all over the place these days.

"It's alright. Really." Hermione said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It just means a lot to us, that you still want to confide in us"

"I do."

"And it's very interesting about you being gay." Hermione said, as if it were a juicy new fact from a textbook. "I would never have guessed. Do you have a type?" She teased. Harry laughed, but dodged the question, not quite ready to reveal his extremely specific, potions master based type…

"What about you two? Interested in anyone?" He asked. They both fell silent.

"We uh, we're dating each other " Ron explained, going pink. Harry's mouth fell open.

"Wow, I really have been an awful friend, I never even noticed-"

"No" Hermione assured him. "We're trying to keep it under wraps. We don't want the hassle of gossip and everything."

"Plus, the twins have got a bet on that I'd be dating hermione by the time I did my NEWTS. Don't really want to prove them right…" Ron said, going a bit pink. Harry laughed and they all settled under the large oak tree, spending a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon, as if they hadn't a care in the world. In fact, he had a wonderful few days with them, relishing their company and eagerly anticipating he upcoming quidditch match.


	4. Chapter 4

Note- Hey, just wanted to say a quick thank you for the lovely reviews and PMs I've been getting. It really means a lot to me, i love hearing from you guys. Thanks!

Saturday dawned bright and clear, perfect conditions for flying. Harry was overwhelmingly excited. Severus was not. As much as he enjoyed the matches themselves (and he did...to a degree) he hated watching them. It reminded him so vividly of being back in school, bullied and rejected. It was particularly pronounced at quidditch matches because each time he had the torturous decision about where to sit. There was a teachers box, but it had been years since he'd sat there. Ever since one excruciatingly embarrassing incident where he'd arrived and didn't have anywhere to sit. He'd had to leave against amongst whispers and stares. Somehow his chair had gone 'missing'…. he'd taken this as a cue that he wasn't wanted and instead sat with the slytherins, who were respectful enough. But they clearly didn't want to be with their head of house on the weekend and they made pains to avoid him.

And so he sat alone, as always. But this time was slightly different. As the teams kicked off, the only had eyes for one player- Harry. Even Severus couldn't deny that he was an excellent flyer. He seemed to be one with the air somehow, dodging and weaving with a grace none of the other players had.

God, Severus had always wanted to date a quidditch captain. The school boy in him still swooned over the uniforms and the prestige. Not to mention the undeniable skill, the self confidence, the beautifully toned bodies… he lapsed into a fantasy. He saw in his mind's eye, Harry landing, snitch raised high, the crowd roaring. Harry would sweep Severus into his arms, kissing him deeply, one hand wrapped snuggly, almost posessively around his waist, the other still on the snitch. Severus leaned forward, as if into this fantasy. But he was bought caught back to earth with a thud as lee Jordan proudly announced:

"AND GRYFFINDOR CATCHES THE SNITCH! 170 points to 10! That must be the shortest game yet!"

And Severus watched Harry land gracefully in the ground, the crowd cheered, he raised the snitch high in the air...and Severus was still alone.

That night, Severus would chastise himself for this little fantasy. But he didn't take it too seriously. It wasn't the first time he'd fantasized about a quidditch player, in fact he had rather a fetish about them, and it had never been an issue before. He was confident it wouldn't happen again.

Instead he busied himself with grading papers, easily killing the time before he saw Harry again.

Harry arrived promptly at 7, a fact wich made Severus smile. He knew punctuality was not his strong suit and he felt flattered. But his smile soon wavered.

"Your bleeding…" he said, pointing to a mark on Harry's robes. He looked closer and noticed that he was covered in small specks of red, almost as if he'd been splattered with blood.

"Oh yeah." Harry said, nonchalantly. "It's from that curse you put on me. It was healing well, until yesterday, I ripped all the blisters open as I dove to catch the snitch. It was such a good game. Did you see?"

"Wait, you still haven't cured yourself? Why ever not, burns are incredibly easy to heal."

"Yeah, Hermione's offered multiple times…." Harry said, a bit sheepishly. "But. You know. Honestly, I feel like I deserve it. I deserve some kind of punishment for what I did. The only one that should cure me is you."

"That's insane" Severus said, eyebrows raised high. "You need to be cured. You could get an infection." He tutted. "it's a very simple lotion, I'll do it now." He said, stalking off into another room. He returned moments later with a tub of lotion. "Sit." He said distractedly, mentally berating himself for such a stupid curse. He shifted Harry's legs on to his lap and unscrewed the lid.

And then he realized what he'd actually agreed to do. A lotion obviously needed to be applied directly to the skin. To Harry's bare legs. From the blood marks in his robes, he could see it went very far up.

"Or, uh, would you like- you can do it yourself, I uh, give you my blessing-" Severus said.

But Harry had realized the same thing at the same time, and he was far too excited to be turned away so easily. Besides, there was something wildly endearing about Severus's suddenly tongue tied nature. He couldn't help it, he smiled, perhaps a little mischievously.

"I'd rather you do it. If it's not too much trouble.. there's a reason I didn't do it myself...didn't think it would be right." He said, slyly.

Severus bit his lip, looking at Harry's legs, feeling their weight on his lap. That alone was an incredible feeling...of warmth, trust, friendship... and the smallest scrap of hope of something more. He couldn't turn down the invitation. Besides, he reasoned, surely he was helping Harry. He clearly won't cure himself, it's been weeks…

"Lay back down" Severus said softly, and Harry reclined on the couch. He waited with baited breath for Severus to touch him. He was not disappointed. Using both hands, Severus began to gently massage the lotion into Harry's calf. It was electrifying, as if every cell in his body was suddenly awake, suddenly begging for Severus's touch. With great effort he suppressed a moan. A tingling started at Severus's nimble fingers and shot even further up his leg, making him writhe just slightly in pleasure. Harry had an aching awareness of Severus's hands, every subtle movement building an intense pressure in his groin.

Severus's breath was quicker too. It was with a mix of horror and excitement that he realized he'd have to shift Harry's legs, or he'd soon feel Severus's developing erection.

Torturously slowly, he slipped his hands further up, past the knee and to the thigh. Harry had to bite on a pillow to stop from moaning, his pelvis positively glowed with arousal. He was already leaking precum, and he knew he was one wrong (or right?) move from coming right there and then. Softly, he caressed Harry's inner thigh, stroking his thumb back and forth,a faint hint of a promise of what he could do higher up. Harry couldn't help it this time, he let out a long, low moan.

"Does it hurt?" Severus asked nervously.

"No." Harry assured him. "It's a relief...to be healed" he explained lamely, almost too distracted to think up even this feeble excuse.

Severus slowly, as if expecting Harry to leap up and run away, he ran his hand up the inside of Harry's thigh. It was the most incredible feeling Harry had ever experienced. He stopped only when he got to the thin fabric of Harry's boxers.

"I should probably...take those off...to cure properly..." Harry said, barely coherent.

Wordlessly, Severus reached up even further, hooking his fingers under the elastic and dragging them down. Harry was positively shaking with desire. Severus threw them on the floor and went immediately back to his work, running both hands up Harry's leg, touching every part of him he could.

Eventually, Severus hit that crease between thigh and pelvis. Not daring to look at Harry, he ran one, long forefinger across it. It took every ounce of will power for Harry not to move. He fought to keep his breathing even, aware that one wrong move and Severus would back off forever. His erection was so intense it was painful now, all he needed was the slightest bit of friction...

But Severus dared to go no further. With great reluctance, he slid his hands back down. Harry slowly began to get up, trying his best to look normal.

"Do you not want... the other leg?" Severus asked, looking surprised.

"Oh right." Harry said, laying back down quickly. "Of course, I, uh, forgot." Neither of them mentioned how stupid he was for getting he had two legs, they were both far too distracted. This time Severus was bolder. He ran his hands quickly up Harry's leg, finding that creese. He went further this time, he went down, sliding his finger between Harry's perfectly formed cheeks, grazing his hole, framing his balls. Harry couldn't stop himself, he moved just slightly and pushed himself into to Severus's hand. Severus gasped slightly and withdrew quickly. Harry cursed himself. A little breathlessly he said "Will you do the backs of my legs too?"

Severus hesitated. Harry couldn't help pleading. "It's really painful…"

Severus couldn't resist such a perfect excuse. It was clear, so clear, that Harry wanted this. And he did too. And for a moment he couldn't think of any reason to resist.

"How far up did the curse go?" Severus asked softly. Harry was still for a moment, wondering how far he dare push it. "To my lower back" he lied again.

Severus highly doubted this. The curse was specifically meant to bind legs, not backs, and he knew he hadn't messed it up. But still. "Very well" He purred.

Harry flipped over. Severus pushed his hands up the back of Harry's legs, nails gently grazing against his soft thighs. He stopped just before Harry's ass, his robes still pooled around him modestly.

"Do you want me to do all the way to your back?" Severus asked, his voice so husky it was basically a growl.

"Yes" Harry panted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Harry insisted, a slight edge to his voice this time. He was desperately, achingly impatient for more.

Severus did as he was asked. Almost reverently, he lifted Harry's robes. The sight was enough to make Severus salivate. Harry's perfect round ass on _his_ couch, begging for _his_ touch. A wild possessiveness took hold of Severus and he grabbed Harry's ass suddenly, unabashedly. It was enough to drive Harry wild. He scrunched up his face into the pillow and stifled a gasp as Severus came to rest his hands on Harry's hips. It would be so easy for Severus to mount him like this, and for a wild moment Harry considered begging for his cock.

Every part of Severus was obsessed with Harry's body. He couldn't help it, he grabbed just a little harder, pushing him down into the couch. It was enough for Harry. With a jolt that he tried valiantly (but unsuccessfully) to hide, he came. He'd never come harder in his life, by the time he was done, he was seeing stars. But he didn't have long to bask. With a mounting horror, he realized he was leaking through his robes and on to Severus's beautiful couch.

"That's great, thanks!" He said, jumping up, "Do you have a bathroom I can use?"

Severus looked stunned, he pointed wordlessly to a door and Harry rushed off, barely remembering to grab his boxers.

Severus sat, numb for a second before a horrible wave of shame came crashing over him. How could he do that to a student? Harry had trusted him, to heal him, to cure him, not to molest… was that why he'd run away? Had he suddenly, horrifically realized that Severus had gone far beyond what was medically necessary? Severus decided it must be. Surely that was the reason he shuddered so violently, jumped up so sharply. Had he really been _that_ wrong? Misread Harry _that_ badly? Severus couldn't think of any other explanation. He put his head on his knees, nausea rising inside of him. How could he do that? He took long, deep breaths trying to calm down, but it only seemed to make things worse.

In no time at all, Harry was back, beaming. But he stopped when he saw Severus. "Are..are you okay?" He asked.

Severus shot up, his eyes wild. "Yes. Are you?"

"Yeah" Harry laughed, he felt fantastic. "Why wouldn't I be?" There was an awkward pause. "So, you want to go to dinner…?" He asked.

"Do you?" Severus countered. He was shaking. He wanted to fall to his knees, to beg Harry's forgiveness. But he didn't dare and this too, shamed him. He was hit with a wave of regret so hard it almost knocked him over. He knew he was rude, arrogant, obnoxious….but he had never thought he was enough of a monster to sexually assault a student. Now he knew he was and he felt his humanity crumbling away.

"Of course! I've been looking forward to this. I know you had something to say." He looked suddenly confused. "It was your idea. Don't you want to?"

Severus felt like he had been punched in the stomach. It had been his idea, hadn't it? Under threat of detention. That made it so much worse. He could hear the gossip now "did you hear? That potions master harassed a student into his private rooms, sexually assaulted them…" "always knew that man was a monster…"

"We're late for our reavation now…" he said limply, grasping for any excuse.

"Only ten minutes," Harry said, checking his watch. "They'll wait"

Severus nodded, at a total loss of what else to do. Mekely, he followed Harry, head spinning. They took the floo to the restaurant (a lovely little magical place in Lille) where they sat, Harry beaming, Severus looking pale and wide eyed. Harry decided to order a bottle, an extremely expensive one, hopeful that would cheer him up. It did not.

"So…" he said, all too aware that his dinning partner had the expression of a man about to be executed. "Did you want to talk about something in particular? Did you want me to keep apologizing?"

"No!" Severus said suddenly. "You don't have to apologize for anything." Guilt churned his stomach, shame made his shoulders tense. Nothing Harry had ever done was as bad as Severus's latest blunder. To take advantage of a student….it destroyed everything he thought he was. Finally he accepted what the others he always said- he was worthless.

"Uh. Wow. You've changed your tune." Harry said. He was starting to get worried, Severus wa not acting at all like himself. Was he cursed?

"So if not that..? What?" Harry prompted.

Severus had no idea. He'd never really known what he was going to say, only that he wanted more time with Harry. Again his stomach lurched. But he had to say something.

"It drove me mad, you know" Severus said, suddenly. "There was a mass murderer on the loose." It took harry a moment to realize he was talking about Black and his third year. "Everyone knew he was getting into the school somehow and no one would even question if lupin, _his best friend,_ was involved. All dumbledore would say was that he trusted him. Weasley was almost attacked that year, you remember. The fat lady was. And still Lupin was trusted. Why?" Severus asked suddenly, as if expecting Harry to have the answer. He really didn't.

"Well, uh… he was right in the end…"

Severus let out a mean bark of a laugh. "But what a gamble to make. The lives of every student on the possibility that Lupin wasn't still helping his best friend, his only real friend. When there was no other reasonable explanation. He may have been right. He was, I'll admit that. But he still risked everyone's live proving it."

"Yes. I agree." Harry said keeping his voice deliberately casual, although he was desperate to hear more.

"I tried to kill myself twice that year you know." Severus said, almost casually, although a tightening of his jaw betrayed his inner turmoil.

Harry jumped, spilling his wine and not caring "Oh my god! I had no idea.."

"I'd have succeeded too, if Malfoy hadn't come back to borrow a book. He found me. Took me to the hospital wing. That's another reason he hates you, you know. Thinks it was your fault."

"Was it?" Harry asked, hardly dating to speak.

"No." He said sharply, suddenly. "Nothing that's happened has been your fault. You were just a child. You still are." and with that, a wave of shame and nausea hit him so hard, he had to blink away tears. "Excuse me." He said roughly, heading towards the bathroom. Harry was sure he could hear retching sounds, but he didn't know what to do. He merely sat there, stunned, although not for long. An extremely snooty waiter approached him and forcefully suggested he escort Severus home, as he was clearly sick. After a few choice words, Harry did exactly that, bewildered and on earth was going on?


	5. Chapter 5

They popped out of the floo with a loud thud, Harry holding Severus upright. Severus wanted to to move away, to run even, to give Harry space. But it felt like his whole world, his whole self, was collapsing around him. He could barely stand under the weight of it all, let alone run.

"Come on, let's sit down." Harry said gently, leading them both down on the couch. But Severus broke away from Harry, irrationally afraid of what might happen if they went back there. He propped himself against the wall instead, "You should leave." he ordered.

"You must be joking" Harry countered. "Your clearly sick-"

"Go." Severus growled, his voice bubbling over with rage. But he was slipping slowly to the floor, legs failing him.

"Make me." Harry said, looking at the body now heaped on the floor. Instead he sat down too. He didn't dare get too close, even as sick as this, Severus was still a powerful wizard, but he leaned in, trying to catch Severus's glared at him. "I told you to get out." He snarled.

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "I can't leave you alone. How about I go get Madame Pomfrey? Yeah that sounds good. You can have me or Pomfrey. Who would you prefer?"

Severus closed his eyes. He couldn't have Pomfrey. Shed know instantly it was psychosomatic, know what he'd done...he'd be caught, thrown out of the school. Besides, he really, really wanted Harry. A wave of desire hit him so hard it, for a moment, overwhelmed everything else.

"You." He whispered, and Harry thrilled.

"Let's get you sitting down somewhere properly then." And he helped Severus to his feet, one arm around his waist. It felt so good. It seemed to fit perfectly. It made Severus feel small, but in a good way, in vulnerable, cared for, delicate way. He smiled. Harry deposited him on the couch, doing his best to make him comfortable.

"Now, do you have any nausea potions? I think you need one." Severus directed him to a cupboard and Harry retrieved them, honored to be allowed to rifle through Severus personal things, even if Severus was only a few feet away.

He administered it gently, spoke softly, did everything he could. Eventually, severus looked a little better, though he felt exhausted. In fact, his eyes were beginning to close when Harry said "shall i help you get into bed?" He knew he was pushing his luck with that one, but he had to try, mind filled with fantasies of crawling in next to Severus.

But this was too much for Severus "no!" he yelled, insulted and afraid, afraid of what he'd do. The possibilities for pleasure in his bedroom were far too numerous, too easy.

"Okay, sorr-" Harry said. "You should go." Severus ordered. "I can't leave-" "I am clearly feeling a lot better" Severus declared. He looked it, able to stand normally at least. "And while i am grateful for your help, i must insist that you leave."

"Okay…" Harry said slowly. He wasn't sure what to do, didn't want to leave. But Severus certainly looked well enough to throw a hex his way, so he thought it best not to argue. "Can we reschedule some time?" he asked hopefully. "Fine" Severus said, anything to get him to leave. "Just go."

And Harry did, mind reeling.

Life was certainly getting harder for Severus. In addition to be rejected, ridiculed and harassed by almost everyone, he now felt that they were right to do so, he felt that he was a monster.

He had never before had such strong feelings towards a student. Every time he saw Harry, his heart leapt, his mouth watered. He thought about him constantly. His whole body seemed to ache for him. He fantasized, over and over, about touching Harry. Relieved a thousand times those few, brief moments on the yet he knew that it was the worst thing he'd ever done. And so it was with extremely mixed feelings that he saw Harry linger at the end of class one day.

"Yes Potter?" He asked softly, sadly.

"Professor, i was wondering if we could reschedule our discussion?" Severus sighed, pretending to busy himself with the papers on his desk.

"I'm not sure if t hasta good idea.." He cleared his throat. "I'm not angry with you any more, maybe we should just leave it as it is…"

"I… I have so much more to say." Harry said, involuntarily taking a step forward. Severus shrank back, as if afraid of what he'd do if Harry got too close. "Professor…" He gulped.

"I have a theory about why you got so sick that other night, can i share it with you?"

Severus nodded slowly, a creeping horror settling in. Did he know…? Was this blackmail…? What had he done?

"I think… I think it was psychosomatic. I'm not sure if wizards really know, but there's this huge connection between your brain and boyd. How you feel...well it affects how you feel. And I think...the other night, in your case...extreme stress, anxiety…"

Severus felt the bottom fall out of his stomach, Harry clearly did know, he knew everything, he was just about to beg forgiveness when Harry said. "I think talking about the suicide attempt. I know it was a lot for you. And i appreciate it and I don't think i could bare to leave things as they are. You opened up and I...really appreciate that. I don't want to press you, don't want to make you feel ill, but…"

A tenderness overwhelmed Severus. As always, Harry was so so close to being right, but so utterly wrong. He clearly didn't know anything. The barest smile flickered around Severus's lips.

"But...I'd like to still talk, if we can."

Severus bit his lip. Surely there wasn't any harm in it…? He knew his limits now, wouldn't get too close, wouldn't make any more mistakes.

"Alright. But let's not do dinner." He said. He wanted to very much, he loved dinners with Harry. But they were far too much like a date for him to be comfortable with any more. He had to be careful, he didn't want to encourage his romantic feelings.

"Okay." Harry said, masking his disappointment with an over the top nonchalance that made him look a bit annoyed. "How about the room or requirements here in the castle. I'll set it up. Friday night? Usual time?"

Severus agreed easily, although his regret ran deep. His heart twinged slightly at the thought that there would never be another lavish meal with Harry, with divine food and sweet company. But he felt that this was a good compromise. He imagined a minimalistic, cold room. A conference room perhaps, with one long table and far too many chairs. He'd sit at one end, Harry at the other, many feet of glass and cold air separating them.

What he got was far different. That Friday night found him hurrying up the stairs. For once, he was late, having just completed brewing a collection of fever fighter potions for madame pomfrey. Finally, he found the room of requirements and hurled himself inside.

It was the most beautiful room, tastefully decorated in wood and velvet, showing no preference for any particular house but elegantly entwining both green and red. It had a distinctly Christmas feel, enhanced by a massive, floor to ceiling window, displaying looming mountains and drifting snow. To the side, a large oak bar stood. What it was lacking in bar staff, it made up with in variety, every imaginable beverage was displayed on its deep shelves.

Harry was sitting on a particularly fluffy couch, his feet curled under him and a whisky in his hand. This couch was also particularly notable. It was curled in on itself, in a large C shape, so that no matter where he sat, Severus was technically next to Harry. This wasn't in his plans at all, and he silently berated himself for being alone with the boy. Maybe dinner would have been better.

He perched himself nervously at one end. "Can I get you a drink?" Harry offered, standing. "I don't think they have anything that amazing. I have a theory that the room can't conjure anything over a certain price point. But there's some pretty good stuff here."

"Oh. Thank you." Severus said. He couldn't help it, he loved when Harry looked after him. It was truly the only times in his life when anyone did, and he clung to them. "What have they got?" He asked, standing and joining Harry at the bar.

"Lots. " Harry replied. "Want me to make you a cocktail?" He asked, grabbing a glass.

"Can you?" Severus said, marveling at this hidden talent.

"Sure. My aunts a bit of an alcoholic to be honest. I've always made martinis and things for her. I can make mojitos, margaritas, cosmopolitans...anything you want really."

"That's fascinating." Severus said, worried he sounded sarcastic when in fact he was very serious.

"Yeah? I'm glad you think so. I would have presumed you'd do a bit of that kind of thing yourself, you know, since it's so similar to potions and everything."

Immediately, Harry knew he'd said the wrong thing. Severus's eyes narrowed dangerously and a scowl marred his face.

"It is nothing like potions, Potter." he corrected. "Nor are potions anything like cooking, before you suggest that."

"Sorry. I just thought...you know...mixing things." He said lamely.

Severus snorted. "Ah yes, _mixing things._ But that's where the similarity ends. You use your wand with both transfiguration and the dark arts, would you really say they are that similar?"

"Ah. No." Harry admitted. "Sorry. Let me make you a Champagne cocktail." He offered.

Severus tutted. God the boy could be insufferable! He'd been in Severus's class for over six years! How could he still hold such an incredibly foolish opinion?

It was a relief really, an instant tonic to these pent up emotions he had been struggling with. He should have realized; a moment in the boys presence and he would remember how insufferable he was. He stalked over to the couch and threw himself down on it,

"Can i ask you something?" Harry said, still standing, looking pensive.

"Very well." Severus sid, his voice tight.

"Why do you teach potions? Why are you involved with them at all? Because you seem to be incredibly defensive about the subject. But you also seem to hate it at the same time…" He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

Severus scowled. The boy had an annoying knack for picking up on the very things Severus wanted to avoid.

"I started because i was good at it. Came very naturally to me, a bit like you and quidditch." He stopped, feeling a bit silly for equating the two, one being cool and sexy, the other being grossy, slimy and smelly. But he carried on anyway. "But the aspects i enjoyed were...I liked the feeling of discovery, of invention, of making things better. I took the job here to earn extra money. And then...well, with the war, i couldn't leave. I was never able to." He said stiffly. God, he wasn't used to people caring.

"I see… but you'd rather teach defense against the dark arts?"

"Ha!" Severus barked, even he didn't know if it was a genuine laugh or not. "No. I just think this school desperately needs a real defense teacher. I mean good god. In the last few years alone we've had dragons, dementors, basilisks, we are right next to the forbidden forest, we've got YOU." he said, building himself up into a lather. "And what kind of defense have we given you? Your first teacher was a basket case. Your second did literally nothing. Your third…" here he stopped "I'm not saying anything against Lupin... for now...but he really wasn't a defense teacher. He was a secondary "care of magical creatures" teacher, wasn't he? Think about only taught you about magical creatures, he doesn't know the first thing about defense!" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "And now you've got that awful woman, another one who does nothing but read from books….so no, Potter, i really don't want the job. But god it kills me to see you students against the toughest creatures imaginable with no training whatsoever."

Harry hid a smile. God Severus was a good man. He was aggressive, nasty and mean, it was true. But not an ounce of Harry blamed him for this any more. He clearly cared, possibly more than anyone, and he'd clearly been punished, certainly more than anyone. He found he was no longer ashamed to feel the way he did about Severus, in fact he was proud to know this man better.

"Well, thank you." He said, bringing over his drink. "The fact that you care is deeply appreciated."

"It's not" Severus snorted, "But i appreciate the lie." He said, taking the drink. Harry was close enough to smell now. Soft and citrus-y, but with a hint of something stronger, mainliner, like wood and hard work. Severus looked down. God, he was a wreck. This emotional ping ponging from lust to hate was exhausting. He didn't know who he was anymore. He used to know he was spy, a death eater, a hated, dispied teacher, a lonely, bitter man. And he still was. Sort of. But he felt as if he was splitting open, as if something was spilling out and something new was worming its way inside. And he kind of liked it, but it hurt, god it hurt.

Was it better to be alone, angry and sad? Or was it better to love his student?

Harry sat next to him, enjoying the silence. To him, it felt compainable and easy. Finally, Severus spoke. "What did you want to talk to me about anyway?"

"You were the one that wanted to meet, remember?"

Severus groaned. Oh god, of course he was, he was still working off that stupid lie. But Harry took the sound to be one of reluctance and said quickly.

"But we don't have to! If you don't want. Maybe we can build up to that...you know, talk about something else." Harry said hopefully. He cleared his throat, and asked timidly. "How...how was your day?"

God the boy was sweet. How badly he, wanted someone to go to at night, to ask him how his day was and make him drinks and buy him dinner and just fucking care…

He smiled. Harry beamed back.

"Awful. Yours?"

Slowly, remarkably, they descended into a real conversation. Not about past mistakes or regrets, but just about themselves their days. Each word was like a strong plucked on a violin, delicate, deliberate, achingly beautiful. Harry continued to make their drinks and somewhere around their third, Severus said

"Not all of my students have hated me you know." He said. He wasn't sure if he was trying to show off, or reassure himself or perhaps even broach a delicate subject…

"I'm sure they haven't. The slytherins all seem to like you don't they?" Harry said. But Severus pushed on.

"Some of them even sent me love letters."

"Really?! Sorry, i don't mean to sound so surprised, but…"

"I know what you mean. I'm always shocked. The nerve of them...it's usually Gryffendoors as well."

"Yeah?" Harry said, smiling and leaning in, expecting a good story.

"I can't tell you the amount of awful valentines days cards i've received, "anonymously"." Here, Severus even did air quotes. "Of course, it's very hard to send anything truly anonymously. Especially when they do things like an extremely complex anti-tracing charm, and then forget to disguise their handwriting."

Harry laughed. "And what do you do then?"

"Oh, it's this whole big thing. You have to report it to the school board, and they have a meeting with the family and then you have to have an escort with you when ever you see the student, you can't be alone with them…"

There was no mistaking it, a look of supreme disappointment crossed Harry's face. He tried to cover it up, but he had always been terrible at hiding his emotions, and Severus had always been an expert at picking up on them.

Regret flooded Severus like poison. Why did he say that?! He wasn't ready to do any of that. He wanted, needed his time with Harry. He knew he couldn't have all of him, but these small tastes were his only slice of happiness and he couldn't let go. Harry leaned back, seeming to crumble in on himself, in a moment of wild anxiety, Severus spat out.

"Of course, I probably should have been reporting these meetings as well. Especially if your going to keep plying me with alcohol."

Harry looked like he was going to cry. That was not the effect Severus had intended. He meant to emphasize that he _hadn't_ reported them, that he _wouldn't_...clearly he need to be a bit clearer.

"Of course...with the school the way it is. With the war… there's no one really to report ot to."

Harry looked up, uncertain. He bit his lip, eyes wide and imploring. God it was sexy. Severus's mouth watered at the sight.

"And anyway, I don't feel the need...with you."

And suddenly, Severus knew he was saying something very, very dangerous, suggesting something deep, and dark, and illicit.

"Im flattered" Harry said, his voice husky. Harry smiled. He didn't dare push it any further, but really, he didn't feel the need to. He knew Severus needed time. They soon parted ways breathlessly and slunk into the night.

Harry was glowing. He was on fire. He was walking on clouds, he was so alive. That last conversation with Severus had made his mood soar. He wasn't fooling himself, they still had a long way to go. He still had a lot to apologize for, apart from anything else. But the fact that Severus trusted him enough to do something even slightly illicit with him. Well. That meant everything. Classes were going slightly better as well, although their current strategy was just to completely ignore each other when they met outside of their private conversations. Even Hermione commented on how well they were getting along, although she didn't know the half of it.

The Christmas holidays were almost upon them and Harry, as always had signed up to stay at the castle. At least, he was until he realized that Severus would not be there. He was gutted. After their last conversation, well, Severus was all he could think about. The man dominated his every waking moment, even his dreams were often of the potions master.

With a studied casual attitude, he removed his name from the list and headed to Grimmauld place with Hermione and Ron, almost overwhelmingly disappointed that he wouldn't be seeing the man for two whole weeks. But he put a brave face on and returned to Grimmauld place with the others, hopong at least to be distracted.

It was better than the summer at least. Kreacher had decorated, although badly, and the place had somewhat of a jolly feeling to it. Molly's cooking could be smelt from all corners of the house and Fred and George weasley delighted in setting off loud bangs and small explosions whenever they could. It helped, although every time he thought of Severus (which was often) his stomach lurched and his heart leapt. He couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts, to him.

All in all, it was a relatively uneventful holiday until December 22nd. Just before midnight the entire house was woken by screams. From the sounds of it, someone had knocked over the umbrellas stand downstairs, and of course, the portrait was awake and hysterical. Harry put on his glasses and flew down the stairs, passing a frantic Mr weasley trying to put a shirt on, and a terrified looking Ginny.

When he saw what it was, Harry went white with shock. It was Severus. Heaped on the floor, a pool of blood steadily growing around him, his face twisted and bruised, his body beaten.

"Ginny, get up stairs." Mr weasley ordered. "Molly- help me carry him. Harry, grab a blood replenishing potion." Harry ran up the stairs faster than he knew he could, taking three at a time. He grabbed the potions- and anything he felt would be useful. He was back before he knew it. They had stretched Severus out on the dining room table, the better to look at him. Mr and Mrs Weasley were frantically performing some kind of magic- far too advanced for harry to understand. But it seemed to be barely keeping death at bay, stabilizing him, not truly helping. They grabbed the potions and- "Harry, write to Madame Pomfrey." Mrs Weasley ordered. "Tell her she has to come at once."

Harry did, although he was shaking so badly he could barely write. The wait for her was intolerable, but eventually she did arrive.

Harry was told, multiple times, to leave but he couldn't. He had to help. He contented himself with doing simple things, like bringing clean bandages and fetching potions. He

was determined not to get in the way, but he simply couldn't leave.

Severus thrashed as madam pomfrey attempted to pour a potion down his throat. "Hold him still!" She commanded, and Harry rushed forward. "Not you" she snapped "your too young to see this."

But the Weasley's were no match for Severus, even both of them together couldn't hold him down. He pushed himself off the table with a force Harry never knew he had. "Fine!" She screeched "Harry-" She didn't have to finish, Harry rushed over.

" Pin him down" She commanded. Mrs weasley held his head still, Mr weasley had his shoulders. This left the majority of the body to Harry. "Shall i just…" he raised his wand "no!" they all yelled in union. "He's been overwhelmed by too much magic, any more could kill him." Pomfrey explained. "Hold him still!" She commanded shrilly.

Harry got on the table with severus, trapping his legs under his own and holding his chest down. Severus's small frame writhed under him, but eventually, Pomfrey was able to medicate. The moment she did, his whole body went limp, his head rolling awkwardly to the side.

"There." She breathed, "now Harry, really, go. He's stable now, all that's left is healing individual wounds and it's delicate work. You'll get in the way"

"I'll get a room ready for him." Harry said reluctantly.

"Oh. Yes I suppose that's a good idea" Mrs Weasley said, although for some reason there seemed to be reluctance in her voice.

It was a pretty convenience that the room next to Harry's was empty. He made a beeline for it. The main issue was dust, no one had made use of this room for several years. He swept, he changed the sheets, he emptied the cupboard (simply dumping the moldy old robes in another room). He even transfigured a bunch of old rope into some flowers (somewhat successfully- the texture was decidedly weird but they were nice to look at) and placed them in a vase next to the bed. By dawn, it was certainly, looking livable. The bed was a little small, and the blue wall paper was peeling and patchy. But the early morning light filled the room with a soft pink glow, and Harry cast an air freshening charm, giving the room a permanent smell of lilac.

He went back down. Severus was still on the table, although he seemed to be sleeping deeply. The Weasleys had gone and Madame Pomfrey was packing away her things.

"Ah! Harry, your up early. Good job you didn't get a room ready for him, I expect he'll want to be leaving soon."

"What?!" Harry asked. "He can't possibly be well enough for that yet,."

"No" She agreed sadly. "But that never usually stops him. As soon as he can walk, he's away. I've stopped trying to get him to rest. Although, he will be out for several hours, perhaps even a day. Maybe move him to the couch, im sure youll all want breakfast soon."

"I'll bring him upstairs, to a room." Harry said. "Hell stay then.":

Madame pomfrey raised an eyebrow. "You can't use magic on him you know. You'll have to carry him."

"I'll manage." He said, turning away so she wouldn't see him cautiously lifted him, he was very thin, but extremely tall. It would have been much easier to carry him over his shoulder but that seemed disrespectful. Instead he did it bridal style, one arm tucked under the crux of his knees, the other around his back. His head lolled onto Harry's chest and warmth spread through every part of Harry.

He got him upstairs, deposited him on the bed and hesitated. He clothes were covered in blood, but even Harry thought was going a little too far to strip him naked. He contented himself with removing his outer cloak and his shoes before placing a blanket gently over him.

He should go, but he hesitated. Their last conversation drifted to the front of his mind. Surely...Severus wouldn't mind _that_ much if he stayed? And besides, the light was so beautiful on his face. The dawn smoothed his rough edges, sleep made him peaceful. With a slightly shaking hand, he brushed the hair out of his face.

He almost regretted it. It was such a strikingly intimate thing to do, his face was so soft, his hair so fine. But Harry went further. He cupped his check, feeling the angle of his jaw, the softness of his lips, the whisper of his eye lashes. Even the sensation of skin on skin was blissful. Not erotic, but peaceful, like this small connection somehow touched his soul. It sent shivers down his spine.

He didn't push it any further than that, instead he left quietly, closing the door behind him and slipping into his own bed.

Severus slept through all the next day. Harry checked on him multiple times, not letting Ron and Hermione's curious glances stop him. Late that night, perhaps even early the next morning, Harry wasn't sure, he was roused from a light sleep by a soft thud and a lightly uttered curse.

He sprang up and headed to Severus's room, nocking gently, but barging in anyway. Severus was on the floor, it appeared that he had fallen trying to get out of bed. Slowly he pushed himself on his knees and grabbed the bed for support. Harry rushed forward.

"I don't remember asking for your help, Potter." He said, but there was no venom in it. Harry helped him stand and tried to help him back into bed but-

"I need to go." Severus insisted, weekly. He managed to stay standing, although he leaned heavily on Harry.

"What? No you don't. Why?" Harry said. To be frank, he really whined it, but he was too proud to admit to that fact.

"There's no use me staying here, I can recuperate just as well at home."

"By that token, you can recuperate just as well here as at home." Harry retorted."Besides, it's the middle of the night, and it's Christmas!"

Severus closed his eyes, too tired to fight. "Potter…"

"How do you even expect to apparate, in your condition?"

"I've done it before, feeling far worse."

"I don't doubt it, but this is crazy! Let me take care of you."

His words hung in the air. Severus weighed them carefully. There _was_ no reason for him to go home, alone, again. He was so used to it by now, it felt off not to, but… why?

"And besides… it… I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have some company? For the holidays? I'd like to spend some time with you…" He said, boldly.

"I have something for you. A christmas present" Severus said suddenly. Harry was beyond shocked, he was stunned. "Uh, i do too." He lied. "No you don't" Severus countered, smiling sadly. "Its okay."

"Well, I'll get something." Harry blushed.

"Will you ask Molly if it's okay? If i stay...I don't want to intrude…"

"Sure!" Harry beamed. Gently he eased Severus back to bed.

"Make sure you ask her… I don't want to be unwelcome…" He said, as he drifted off to sleep.

"Snape's staying for Christmas." He informed Mrs Weasley over breakfast the next day. the next day. She was so shocked, she almost dropped her toast.

" _Really_?" She asked.

"You've got to be kidding me.." Ron groaned.

"Oh mum no-" Ginny started.

"Yup. That's okay, _right_?" Harry said, over the grenal disgruntlement. assuming that it was. They'd have a massive problem if it wasn't.

"Of course, he's always welcome, but...well he's been welcome for the last twenty odd years. Never taken us up on the offer until now."

Harry ignored the objections of the others, and buried himself in his sausage and eggs. But something was bothering him. He didn't figure it out for quite some time, until breakfast was long over and Mrs weasley was charming the plates to clean themselves.

"Mrs Weasley," he said. "Can i ask you something?"

"Anything dear."

"Well. The way you and Madame Pomfrey talk...you act like, like you've always been open to professor snape and he's rejected you. But the way he talked, it's like the opposite, like everyone's always been really awful to him and i was just wondering...what the truth was."

She sighed, watching the plates clink against each other. "Oh Harry… it's a delicate subject."

"I know, but...I mean, it's important."

"Yes…" She cleared her thaor. "Some people have always been open to him. Others have been...exceptionally cruel and i think he's always had a hard time telling the difference."

"Who was that bad to him?" Mrs Weasley wouldn't look him in the eye. That alone told him everything. "Was… was it my dad?" He asked timidly. She nodded. "And the others. Black was probably the worst. Lupin wasn't so bad I think, but…"

"What happened?" Harry asked. She bit her lip. "I… I know its hard, but… I want an unbiased opinion. Everyone seems to either love or hate my dad and well, it's hard to...to know."

"A lot of people did love him. He was very brave." She said. "And...good at transfigurations. I...personally never found him to be funny." She said, looking at Harry, gauging his reaction. He kept quite still. "If you really want to know, let's sit down."

They walked into the front parlor and sat across from each other on threadbare armchairs, a rickety coffee table between them.

Mrs weasley started, looking at her hands, twisting her wedding ring nervously. "His humor largely derived from hurting other people. There were those he loved and would defend to the death. You and your mother amongst them. But…" She cleared her throat. "I wouldn't leave him alone with the children, personally."

"Why?" Harry asked, shocked, surely he wasn't that bad?

"I don't know." She said quickly. "I never had any real reason. But the things that he found amusing, i found disturbing. Him and Black particularly. Their favorite thing was to find house elves and trick them into doing something bad, so that they had to punish themselves, like giving them impossible tasks or changing instructions in the middle of a job."

Harry thought back. It made a sick kind of sense. What had Lupin said that one time? That they would have found it funny to lure Harry out of the castle to see him get hurt? And what about that "joke" they played on severus, telling him how to get into the whomping willow? James had saved him, but…

"What did they do to Snape?" He asked.

"Humiliation, mostly. I think he would have preferred a duel, he probably would have won. Maybe that's why they wouldn't fight him. I...Now Harry what i'm going to share with you is pure speculation, just an opinion. Don't leap to conclusions, or do anything rash."

"I won't" he protested, slightly offended.

"I think...and as i said this is just personal opinion. But i think..there was some amount of sexual...antagonism between them."

"What does that mean?!" Harry demanded.

"I don't know. All i can say is, he- James that is. Had a deep fascination with exposing severus in public. You know... Levitating him by the ankles and letting his robes fall open..." This too, made sense. Harry remembered his trip through Severus's pensive all too clearly. "And other things too. Grabbing him a lot, that kind of thing. And he made rather a point of dating any woman (or man. I dont think your father was gay or even bi, but for Severus's love life he made an exception.) that severus wanted." She sighed and looked sadly at Harry, her kind face creased in a frown.

"In many ways… Severus was the most important person in James's life. And perhaps James was in his too. Just, in an incredibly negative way. They fed off of each other, every bad thing, every fear, every insecurity...they magnified it for each other." She rubbed her jaw.

"I don't know what to make of all these things, Harry. I'm sorry i can't give you better answers. He was very good to the people he cared about, and to the people he didn't...he was very cruel indeed."

Harry nodded, feeling rather sick.

"I think we should leave it there. Why don't you have some chocolate, you look like you've seen a dementor."


	6. Chapter 6

Harry did not join in the festivities that day. He pretended he was sick and slunk back to his room. Perhaps he wasn't pretending, his stomach churned and his head pounded. But he knew it all stemmed from the conversation that morning. Was that _really_ what his dad was like? His dad- the handsome quidditch star that gave his life for Harry? The man he'd always looked up too, been so proud to be compared with? But Mrs weasley...well, she was by far the most neutral observer he had yet listened to. So much of what she said made sense, tallied with what he already knew. He couldn't fault it, even though he spent most of the day trying to. And Black- NO, he couldn't think about that. It was still too raw, the grief too real, the pain too much. He shoved it back down.

Finally it was dinner time. He made his way downstairs, and-

"Would you like to take Severus's meal up to him?" Mrs Weasley asked him gently. "I'll do it if not, wanted to give you the option."

"Yes…" Harry said, although he wasn't certain. "I'll do it."

He carried the tray up, a heaping mound of shepards pie, roast chicken, bacon, cheese, soup, fresh vegetables… it almost weighed more than Severus did.

He entered slowly. Severus was awake and propped up on his pillows, from somewhere hed found an old copy of "The weeping witch" a classic tale, and seemed to be almost done with it. Harry smiled to see him awake.

"I bought you dinner..." He said.

"Oh. Thank you." He said, looking genuinely surprised. He looked downright shocked When harry removed the lid of the tray and sat the hulking mass down on the table next to hm.

"My word… so Molly is okay with me staying, I take it?"

"Of course" Harry said. He found he couldn't look at Severus. After today, it was too much, he felt too much guilt. Unfortunately, Severus had other ideas he'd had a long time to think and-

"Why don't you sit down?" He invited. "Stay...if you'd like, that is."

Harry nodded silently, and perched on the side of the bed. "How's your day been?" Severus asked, uncertain as a foal learning to stand.

"Uh…" Harry said, no idea where to start. "It's been a lot actually. Heavy. A lot to think about." To his great shame, there was a slight hitch in his voice. He tried to cover it with a cough, but it only made it even more painfully obvious. Severus frowned.

"Oh? Are you-" "Severus asked.

"What about you?" Harry interrupted. "I hope you haven't been too lonely, I'm sorry I-"

"Not at all. I like my space...in fact, it has been rather pleasant. I've heard people, felt included, but yet i've still...had my space." he finished lamely, certain he sounded insane. He felt inadequate at the very least. He wanted to comfort Harry, but wasn't sure how, should he reach out? He didn't think he had the nerve, His palms got a little bit sweaty, just thinking about it.

"That's good." Harry said, pleased to hear that he sounded calm, even though he didn't feel it. "I'm glad you stayed."

"So am i." Severus said. It was soft, but Harry heard it. For the first time that day, he smiled.

"Is there anything i can do for you?" He offered.

"There is one thing…" Severus said, clearing his throat nervously. "I...could really do with different robes, these are rather bloody, and-"

"Of course!" Harry said, jumping up. "I'll go to Madam Malkin's tomorrow, buy you some more, she has your measurements right?"

"Oh, i didn't mean for you to-"

"It would be my pleasure."

Severus blushed. God he loved it when Harry treated him. He didn't protest that much. "In that case…"

And so it was decided. The next morning, he, Ron and Hermione set off for Diagon Alley. As it was christmas eve, the place was bursting with last minute shoppers, but Harry didn't care. He was determined to get the perfect gift for Severus.

Snow fell softly and the three of them huddled together for warmth. They couldn't resist looking at Quality Quidditch Supplies, and Hermione spent an age in the bookstore. They moaned, but secretly, they enjoyed every minute, happy just to be together.

Finally, they got to Madame Malkin's, where Harry went a bit wild and ordered Severus an entire new wardrobe, complete with everything from formal robes, to winter cloaks, to traveling gear and everyday attire.

He felt a savage pride in spending his father's money on Severus, and ended up way over spending, but he didn't care.

Next was Florian Foresques, he had just come up with an ice cream that made you feel all warm inside and they were desperate to try it. But what to get Severus for his gift? (He didn't count the robes- they were just a favor. Besides, they wouldn't be a surprise, and is it really a christmas gift if it's not a surprise?)

It was getting late and Harry was starting to worry, when he saw it- the most beautiful trunk Harry had ever seen. Inky black and intricately carved, with hidden drawers and plenty of space. It was antique too, from the late 1700s, the woman behind the counter assured him. Harry had seen Severus's old traveling trunk, it was a mess, barely held together with years of charms and tape. Again, it was a fortune. But Harry was happy to spend it.

"How come your spending this much on _him_?" Ron asked, "why don't you ever buy me gifts like this?"

"I try, you never let me! Do you want me too?"

"Uh, no, actually, better not." Ron admitted, going pink.

It certainly wasn't easy getting all of it home, (Ron swore several times), but they managed it. Harry levitated the trunk to his room, and carried the mountain of robes to Severus. When he saw them, his mouth dropped open. "Harry, i can't accept this." He said, very seriously. He had been hoping for a nice robe or two, but this...this was an entire wardrobe! Harry hadn't skimped either, the fabric was clearly expensive, the workmanship flawless.

"Of course you can!"

"This is too much, i can't pay you back-"

"I wouldn't hear of it. Now please let's not have this conversation again… I like spending my money on other people. Your the only one that lets me. Now I wanted to talk-"

"Haaaaaarryyyyy" Ginny called from downstairs. "You've got an owl!"

God it was maddening being here! Harry had hoped that being away from school would be a little more romantic, a welcome break from classes and their familiar fights. But no, he could hardly get a moment's peace

"I should go and check on that." He said, frowning.

"Yes." Severus admitted. Harry turned to go, having decidedly mixed feelings. On the one hand, he loved treating Severus, loved to see the look of guilty pleasure as he accepted Harry's gifts. On the other, it felt a little perverse, now that he understood what his father had done. Did he have any right to talk to Severus? Make such demands on his time? Confused and slightly sad, he left.

Downstairs was buzzing with the typical Christmas eve festivities, largely games of charades and trick pies from fred and george, but it was good fun. The owl simply turned out to be from Neville, wishing him a good christmas and inquired to if Harry had seen his potions book, hed lost it…

All in all, the celebrations weren't done until almost midnight, when Mrs weasley forced them all into bed. But Harry couldn't sleep. He tried, for about five minutes, but promptly gave up and knocked softly on Severus's door.

A low, bored, husky "Yes?" Greated him. He opened the door slightly.

"I'm sorry to wake you…" He started.

"You didn't. My sleep schedule is a mess I'm afraid. Been sleeping all day, up all night…Come in. Sit down, if you like."

Harry did so, closing the door behind him and sitting down on the bed. It was eerie in the night. The room was illuminated by a single shaft of moonlight, seeping in through a small slit in the curtains. It fell perfectly on Severus's face, illuminating his nose, his neck, his bare, pale chest. Harry stared openly, glad that his own face was masked in the darkness.

"What happened?" He asked suddenly. "The night you arrived...you were so injured...what happened?"

"Let's not talk about that" Severus replied, although not unkindly. "Suffice to say… it happened in the line of duty. It was necessary."

Harry nodded silently, examining his hands, wishing things were better.

"I thought about you." Severus said. Harry's head snapped up, catching Severus's gaze in the low light.

"I thought about...how much I'd regret not telling you...how much i have enjoyed getting to know you."

Harry's throat went tight, his pulse quickened. Was this… what he thought it was? God he hoped so.

"I'm glad. I feel the same…"

The air was tight with tension, and Harry took a risk. Slowly, he leaned in, now almost laying on the bed too and he said-

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but...is there anything i can do to help? Like you did with me and my legs?"

Severus bit his lip. "Nothing ah, medically necessary." Harry's shoulders sagged. "But...if you wanted to help me get more comfortable..."

"Of course." Harry said, far too quickly.

Severus gestured to his old robes, laying in a crumpled heap by the bed, "there's a potion in the pocket...if you'd put it on my cuts…"

After a bit of searching, Harry pulled out a small vial, with swirling purple liquid inside.

"It will just made the cuts itch less, you don't have to…" Severus said, lamley, an ounce of guilt still floating around him. "It's not important."

"It is. Your comfort is. You are." Harry insisted. "Where…?"

"Everywhere...but, on my chest mainly."

With one shaking hand, Harry pulled the covers down. Indeed, Severus's white chest was crisscrossed with violent red slashes. Severus looked up at him, an expression Harry couldn't quite read on his face. Harry took a chance. In one swift movement, he straddled Severus's hips. Severus's pajamas, Harry's jeans, and about an inch of covers still separated them. But it felt recklessly erotic.

"What do i…?" Harry started

.

"Just one drop per each cut, then you'll need to smooth it over with your figure."

Harry started slowly. Beginning with Severus's soft stomach, he inched his way up, lovingly tending to every cut he could find. Soon, he was at Severus chest. He grazed one finger over his pink nipple and it hardened into a perfect point couldn't help it- he bucked his hips gently, hoping for some kind of friction. Harry was so absorbed, he didn't notice. He did however, give the same treatment to the other nipple. He bent low, pretending to inspect his work. From there, Harry went further up, healing his neck, his jaw. Severus moved his head to one side, stretching his neck long, giving Harry full access.

Not even pretending to cure him, Harry trailed one hand down the mans chest, stopping just above his pelvis. "Harry…" Severus breathed. The first time he had ever used that name. And suddenly everything inside of Harry was on fire and he had no uncertainty.

"Look at me" He breathed into Severus's neck. Severus turned, and suddenly they were face to face, noses almost touching. They locked eyes, Harry's cloudy with lust, Severus's wide with hunger. Harry cupped Severus's face, and hesitated, just for a moment.

But it didn't last long. He tilted his face just slightly and bought their lips together. Severus opened his lips instantly, biting Harry's, demanding entrance. Harry let out a long, low moan and ran his hand down his body, taking in every curve, every inch, every pore.

They separated only for a moment, long enough for Harry to slide under the covers. And then they were back, lips locked, bodies pressed against each other. Harry trapped Severus's leg between his own and pressed his painful erection into it, humping wildly.

Harry could feel Severus smirk under their deep kiss.

Severus's hands were on Harry's chest, desperately undoing the buttons on his top when-

There was a knock at the door. The pair pulled apart, hearts suddenly hammering for a totally different reason.

"Severus? It's me. I'm sorry to disturb you so late…" Came Mrs Weasley's voice.

"Tell her to go away." Harry whispered into Severus's ear, still humping him as much as he dared.

"Im exhausted." Severus called out. "Could it wait?"

"It's very important. I hate to ask, but...well it is."

Severus whispered softly "It might be about the war." And he grabbed his wand, flicked it at Harry and ordered "Just get into a corner. She won't notice you."

"One second." He called out to her. And Harry scrambled into possession. Looking down, he recognized the charm. He wasn't invisible, but he blended perfectly into the background.

Eventually, Mrs Weasley was allowed in. She didn't sit.

"I just wanted to talk to you about Harry" She said. Severus's heart stopped.

"Oh?" He said, doing his best not to let his panic show. He must have succeeded because Mrs Weasley continued.

"Im worried about him. He's been through a lot recently. And... I think he's getting rather attached to you. I can tell he's trying, you will...be as…understanding as you can? Try to perhaps even...be on good terms? It won't be that unpleasant, i promise."

"I am doing my best." Severus said, simply.

"I...I want to say that he was asking me about James the other day. You and James. I told him a lot-"

This was the worst thing she could have said, a rage coursed through Severus, a wild, tumultuous thing, so strong it was almost a separate entity.

"Molly you'll forgive me if i have no desire to be woken up in the middle of the night to talk about the Potters."

"I just thought-"

"I am happy to leave if you want me to, but-"

"No!"

"But i refuse to take part in this conversation any longer."

"Im sorry, Severus, i really am."

"Either you leave or I will" Severus demanded. And she did, without another word.

There was silence and then-

"I'm sorry" Harry started.

"What the FUCK were you you thinking?" Severus hissed, rounding on him.

"Nothing-

"Nothing?!" Severus demanded. He picked up his wand and sliced it through the air. Harry flinched, but it was only a disulment charm.

"I can't bare speaking to people without seeing them. But now i have to look at your father's face, clearly i should have left it-"

"Severus please." Harry started.

"How could you?!"

"I was just asking-"

"Why?!"

Here Harry stopped, uncertain himself. "I wanted to know the truth." He said simply.

"And what did she tell you, that he was a bloody hero I expect." Severus spat, raising his wand again, but Harry didn't flinch this time.

"She said she didn't like him. Didn't trust him. Wouldn't leave her children alone with him."

Severus hestated, dropping his wand slightly. Suddenly he looked very small, just one pale body standing in the moonlight, lost in fear and memories. Harry took a step towards him. But Severus raised his wand again.

"Good." Severus said stubbornly. "I would thank her, but i doubt even her words could penetrate that thick skull of yours."

Harry bit down his anger . He was certain Severus didn't mean it. "Please don't be like that." Harry cleared his throat. "Look, let's be honest. Im...really, really into you. I think your amazing. I think your gorgeous, and talented, and kind, and witty and brave and basically...all the things I want. I think about you all the time. Want to be with you. I want to make you happy. And I think...I think i can. I think we can get over the past. Do you?"

Severus looked long and hard at Harry. "There's so much to get over. You don't understand."

Harry nodded sadly. "I'm sure i don't. But I want to try. Do you?" Severus rubbed his eyes, suddenly very tired.

"To be honest, potter...i have no idea."


	7. Chapter 7

There was a lump in Harry throat, but he swallowed it down. "Okay. Well. If you ever figure it out…"

"What else did she say?" Severus asked.

" she said… she was very sympathetic towards you. Had always liked you, even from a distance." Severus bit his lip, his eyes shining brightly. Harry wondered if he was going to cry.

"She said…" And here Harry paused, wondering if he dared. Severus looked up, his face twisted in concern. Harry decided that he did. "That he didn't strut."

Severus let out a hollow laugh. It wasn't much, but it was better than crying. Harry took another step forward. Slowly, cautiously, he pulled Severus into a deep hiug. After a moment, Severus buried his face in Harry's neck and coiled his arms around him.

"We still have a lot to talk about." Severus whispered. Harry nodded.

"For now, let's get you back into bed, you're freezing." It was true. Severus was still topless, and shivering slightly. Harrys top hung open, his muscular chest exposed. Harry walked him back to his bed, it was unnecessary, but chivalrous.

"Do you want to stay...for a little?" Severus asked, pulling the sheets up over his legs.

"I've made it clear what i want." Harry said boldly. "What do you want?"

Severus positively shivered with pleasure. He had never been wanted like this. It made

him bold.

"Stay. Get under the covers again."

Harry was thrilled to. They laid next to each other, looking into into the other's eyes and for a moment they stayed perfectly still. This was new territory. This wasn't reckless abandon, this wasn't lust hidden under a veil of respectability. This was honest, open interest. It was kind of scary.

To Harry's surprise, Severus started. "I do want you, you 's undeniable. You make me feel better, better than I've ever felt before." At this, Harry beamed. "There's just so much to get over…"

"Yeah." Harry said softly, his face falling.

"You're my student." Severus said, holding his gaze, testing him.

"I know. You're my teacher." He said, not looking away. "And it's...odd. I certainly never

saw this coming.

"If i do this, ill be taking advantage. Abusing you."

"No." Harry said, not quickly, but with a quiet confidence that soothed Severus. "Maybe if it was someone else. Maybe if it was someone else, some normal student. But, (and i know you hate this) but well, i am different. Different expectations. Different requirements. Look i don't have...much choice in my life. There are a lot of things i need to do, a lot of things that happen to me. But relatively few things i actually choose to do. Im not sure what I'm trying to say, but… I hope that makes you feel better."

Severus was at a loss for words.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is.." Harry continued "I know. We are teacher and student. And there's nothing we can do about that. And i want you anyway."

Severus smiled despite himself. But he said "Oh Harry...you're so young."

"That's actually something...you should know. Maybe i should have told you before, i don't know, but...but the truth is. I don't have long left."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"There's this prophecy. Basically...i have to be the one to kill Voldemort-" Severus winced but said nothing. "And I'm going to die doing it. And, i mean, i don't have a date or anything, but...I'm not going to make it to 19."

Severus felt suddenly hollow. "Im so sorry."

"Don't be." Harry said, with a fasly bright voice. "I'm...at peace. I need to do it and I'm happy to lay down my life for others. But before then...I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you."

Severus looked at Harry, taking in his delicate nose, his strong jaw. Harry was right, the past could be forgotten. Severus felt a weight lift off his chest as he admitted that. He didn't want a future where he cursed himself for wasting what time he had with Harry. Wordlessly he gathered Harry up in his arms. Harry nuzzled his neck and kissed him gently on the check.

"Okay." Severus said. "Lets…" What? He realized halfway into the sentence. Date? Fuck? "Try." He said finally.

Harry pulled back just enough to look at him, his head now resting on his chest.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. But… don't just say it because now you know i'm going to die. Everyone does that. Get all sad and promise to be better friends with me, or whatever, when they first get the news. And then...things go back to normal. They get used to the idea. And that's okay."

Severus looked down at him, struck again by his beauty. "I'm not." He promised. "You make me happy. I...don't want to let go of that." Harry beamed.

They didn't say much more that night, but they didn't have to. They rested in each others arms, gently discovering each other's bodies as they dozed against each other.

Harry left early the next morning, before anyone could catch them together. But he couldn't wait to go back.

It was the best christmas he'd ever had. His stocking was full to bursting, the air was thick with merriment and song, each bite of food was better than the last. And to top it all off, Harry knew Severus was right up stairs. That was bliss.

They exchanged gifts, each of them thrilled. Severus received his trunk with pleasure, stunned t o learn that harry had noticed such a minor detail about him- he really did need a new pne. For his part, Harry received a sending stone. It was one of a pair, severus and the other and though it they could communicate. The fact that Severus had thought of this, even before this whirlwind christmas, was truly magical to Harry.

For the next two days, Harry was in heaven. Severus made a week excuse to stay at grimmauld place, and Mrs Weasley accepted it with a smile. None of the others minded as much as they thought they would, as he rarely left his room.

He and Harry were in love and though they weren't ready to admit it yet, they certainly acted like it. They spent most of their time in Severus's bed, giggling and talking, holding each other and kissing. Harry was slightly disappointed at how slowly Severus was taking their sex life, after their first night's passion, he had eased off significantly. But Harry wasn't about to push him, he knew it was caution and not dislike that halted the man and so he waited, happy to be patient, curled in Severus's arms.

Unfortunately, that time ran out quickly, and before they knew it, it was the day before the students were to return to school. Really, all Harry wanted to do was spend it snuggled up with Severus. He didn't know what it was going to be like when they'd returned to Hogwarts and he wanted to make the most of this easy access. But-

"Let's go to Diagon Ally." Ron, who had received rather a lot of gold (for him) for christmas said. "I'll treat you both to more of that hot ice cream."

They were both so excited, and Harry vividly remember that time by the lake, when they said they weren't sure if he still wanted to be friends with them….He had to go.

It was a particularly bright and sunny day. The air was crisp and new growth was just breaking through the frost kissed ground. Even Harry had to admit, eating his chocolate raspberry hot ice cream as they walked, it was nice to be in Diagon Alley.

"Oooh!" Hermione squealed, pointed to a large purple display in a shop window. There were easily a thousand books, all flying in a coordinated display. "It's that new book i was reading about-"

"You read about books?!" Ron asked incredulously. Hermione ignored him and continued.

"'tricks and charms of coordinated enchantments!' I'd forgotten it had come out! Let's go in and get a copy."

"Oh Hermione, you'll be ages in there. Let's go to Quality Quidditch supplies first."

She tutted. "We're already here Ron. I'll only be a minute. Wait here if you want to."

She hopped to the door, that special spring in her step that meant she was about to start a really good book. And then it happened. Something truly unimaginable. A sound like roaring dragon, a flash of green light. A thousand screams. And Hermione fell to the ground. There wasn't a scratch on her, not a cut, or a bruise. But she was she was limp and cold on the pavement.

There was screaming all around them, total pandemonium and chaos, someone stepped on Hermione fleeing the shop. Harry grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, her body limp, her head sagging.

It was a nightmare getting through the crowd. People shoved and kicked, children sobbed. There were screams of "their dead! Their dead!" But Harry couldn't believe it. It felt like hours, it could have been minutes, he didn't know. But eventually he got back to Grimmauld place, although it felt just as hysterical there. Mr and Mrs weasley were screaming, Ginny was crying, and for some reason, Dumbledore was there, ashen faced.

Harry laid Hermione gently before him.

"Cure her." He said, in a panic. Should he get Madame Pomfrey again?

"Harry…" He said, his eyes wide, his head shaking sadly. "She's gone."

"She's fine." Harry said, although he was shaking so hard he could barely see. Or was that the tears? "YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED." He screamed.

"We don't have too. We know already. In the alley...it was a bomb. Somehow, they made avada kedavra into a bomb."

"No." Harry said, although by now his face was wet with tears. "No she's fine. Look at her."

"There's no point Harry." Dumbledore said, stepping over her and reaching out to Harry, trying to comfort him.

"Don't you dare." Harry said, pulling out his wand, although he wasn't sure what he was going to do with it. "Look at her."

"I won't give false hope Harry."

But he didn't need to. Behind him, Severus bent down, cradling Hermione's head in his hands. When he looked up at Harry, his expression told him everything. Finally, Harry believed them. She was gone.

Ron let out a scream and crumbled against the wall, holding his stomach like he'd just been punched. Harry merely stood, shaking and crying. He had to concentrate on breathing- that was the one thing he was capable of, he couldn't even think. His whole body trembled so much he was amazed he was even standing.

Someone, he wasn't sure who, walked him into a different room and sat him down. He didn't care. Someone else pushed a hot drink into his hands, he let it burn him.

This was too much. It simply couldn't be. What would he be without Hermione? Hermione was everything, Hermione was his best friend, his savior. How many times had she got him out of stupid situations? And he'd never told her, never really, thanked her properly. He started laughing. Was that to be his curse? To never recognize how much he needed his friends- until it was too late? It was so much like Black it almost killed him.

People were talking around him, but it didn't make any sense. He stayed, locked in his world of grief and pain. He must have stayed there a long time, because eventually, he was walked upstairs and laid down, a blanket laid over him and the door shut softly.

But this was repulsive to him. He had spent too many nights there already, looking up at the same ceiling, immobilized by greif, hating himself so much. Without thinking he stood, and went next door. No one was there, but he stood anyway by the window and looked out. The moon was bright with stars, cold and clear, but Harry couldn't see it. He stood there a long time, not really seeing or understanding anything, merely existing.

Then a door opened behind him. "He's in here." said a low voice. Severus. Harry wanted to turn around, go to him, but he couldn't. He was too overwhelmed.

The door closed and there was muttering- even some raised voices. But after a time, Harry didn't know or care how long, It opened again, and Severus reentered. He was breathing slightly heavily, but Harry didn't have the energy to ask why.

He took Harry by the hand and lead him to the bed. Gently, lovingly, he stopped him and then wrapped him in warm pajamas. His touch awoke Harry slightly and let out a long, shuddering breath. Severus looked at him sadly. Cupped his cheek.

"Im sorry." He said simply. Harry nodded, closed his eyes, nuzzled Severus's hand.

"Do they know what happened?" Harry asked, so quietly Severus had to take a moment to try and understand what he said.

"They were able to use avada kedavra as a mass spell. There was one sucide death eater in there. He set it off."

"Who?"

"McNair."

"Good. How many…"

Severus sighed.

"56." Harry wanted to he said "They must have known so many students would be there." Then a horrible thought struck him. "Were there other students that died?"

Severus couldn't look at him. "Why don't you sit down." He said.

"Just tell me don't make me wait just tell me." Harry said in a rush, his eyes suddenly wide.

Severus understood. Better to pull the bandaid off quickly. "Cho chang. Both the creevey brothers. Neville's grandmother. And i know you won't be sad about this but...Pansy parkinson."

"I am sad for her." Harry said, and he clearly meant it because his voice broke.

"Come on." Severus said sadly. "Get into bed."

They both did, Harry clinging to Severus like a lifeline, Severus unable to sleep, watching the room as if some deep, terrible thing was about to leap up and take Harry.

Harry didn't return to school the next day, none of the students did. He didn't know what was going on. But he knew he was glad to wake up next to Severus. The man's warmth seemed to seep into him, it felt like he was keeping him alive, keeping him in this world somehow. Harry breathed deeply. He spend days like that, basically comatosed, Severus seemingly holding him together. His whole body seemed to ache with the weight of his grief.

He awoke one morning, the sunlight streaming in, Severus propped up just slightly with a book. Harry nuzzled him.

"Do you think i'm pathetic?" He asked suddenly. Severus was so shocked he almost dropped his book on Harry's face. Not only was it the first time he'd had spoken in days, it was also the most bizarre question.

"No!" Severus said, looking at Harry as if he had two heads.

"Good."Harry said, hiding his face again. But-

"You need to eat." Severus commanded. "Molly bought some food up."

Harry sat up slowly, and then jumped about a mile.

"Wait, so did she see? Does she know-"

"Everyone does." Severus said.

"How?!"

"Uh. Well. After…" He tried to put this delicately. "After you got back from Diagon Ally, you were in shock. But you were acting...oddly. Clinging to me, basically. I was just about able to explain it away...until you showed up in my room. That sort of...tipped everyone off. I'm surprised you don't remember at least some of it, there was quite a fight."

Harry vaguely remembered loud voices behind closed doors. "Im sorry. I've caused you such trouble…"

"No." Severus assured him. "Things have actually settled down. A bit. Dumbledore's come around, actually. They've even moved all of my classes to the afternoon so i can spend the mornings with you."

"Wait has school started?" Harry asked.

Severus suddenly looked rather worried. "Yes. We told you, but..." He bit his lip. "I've been worried about how much you've...understood recently."

"I've been really out of it."

Severus nodded. "There's something else...you deserve to know."

Harry braced himself.

"Granger- Hermione… her funeral was yesterday."

Harry's eyes stung with tears, he hunched over, hugging himself.

"Thank you for telling me." He said. "Was it…." He struggled for words. "Enough?"

No, Severus thought sadly, it would never be enough. But "It was beautiful. Lots of people spoke. Many friends. And...and some scholars. Some of her favorite researchers and authors"

By now harry had tears dripping off of his face "She would have liked that." He managed to say, his throat burning. And once more he hid in Severus's arms.

But even he knew he couldn't hide for ever, tempting as that was.

"I'm not sure i want to go back. To hogwarts." He said one morning, hed started to become more...aware, in the last few days, things coming into focus just slightly. Severus looked at him curiously.

"I thought you loved it there?"

"I do." Harry said. "More than anything. But...I've been thinking. About what you said, remember? A long time ago about the defense teachers? And...really it's not the place for me. I don't need to know herbology and astronomy. As...as much as i would love to. I need to know defense. And curses and how to fight."

Severus nodded.

"I think...I think I want to get private tutors."

Severus mulled it over. God it was a waste. Even now, in bed with Harry, he wouldn't say he was a bright student. But he loved hogwarts, he was the quidditch captain, he… he deserved to be there. And yet.

"That does make sense." Severus admitted. And as little part of him hoped that maybe, just maybe with enough training, he'd be able to beat the prophecy.

"Hey, do you want to massage my back?" Harry asked, cheekily. "My whole body hurts for some reason."

"You've been in bed too long" Severus admonished lightly.

Harry limped slowly back to normalcy. It was like his arm had broken and he'd allowed it to heal, but badly, so that it was pointing the wrong way. That's how he felt, functional, but distorted.

He went forward with his plan of tutoring, and actually secured a good defense teacher for a change. No one suggested that Severus teach him, which they were both grateful for. And suddenly Severus and Harry were not teacher and student, they were just...people. Severus found it a lot easier. He was able to really see Harry as an equal.

They still slept together every night, although they had magically enlarged the bed. One evening, Severus gently stroked Harry's chin and tentatively bought their faces together. It was the first real kiss they'd shared since christmas. Severus wasn't sure if Harry would be ready, but he leaned in, hungry and needy. He pressed their bodies together, and rolled Severus on top of him. He parted his legs wide and they became one, each falling more and more in love with the other.

And so it continued. At night, Harry melded with Severus, during the day he studied, hard enough to make hermione proud.

Untill, that was, one rainy morning in March, Severus found Harry curled up in an armchair, trying to master defensive runes.

"Harry." Severus said, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah?" He said, barely looking up from his work.

Severus took his hand, stroking it gently. He didn't like beating around the bush and so he said it bluntly; "You need to break up with me."

"What? No." Harry said, this was more than enough to get his full attention. Had he gone mad?

Severus had to close his eyes against Harry's piercing gaze. His whole body sagged under the weight of it.

"Please. There is no other way. The dark lord… He found out about us. It's a miracle it took this long, frankly, everyone knows. He wants me to lure you to him. I can't refuse. The only way forward is this. We have to wipe my memory of this conversation, and then you have to break up with me. That way… That way I can say that i tried, that i lost your trust, and he won't be able to read my mind to tell the truth."

"You could be killed for that. You _will_ be crucio'd at the very least."

Severus nodded. "Better me than you though."

"No."

"Please don't argue." Severus said, almost pleading. "I don't want that to be our last...there's no other choice."

"Yes there is. I accept his invitation."


	8. The End

Note: Hey everyone, I'm actually not sure if i want to end this story here or not. I do have an idea for a next chapter/epilogue, but i feel like this might be more satisfying….let me know what you think!

"What?" Severus said, stunned. But Harry had a resolute look in his eye that Severus didn't like.

"Next week." He said thoughtfully.

"Harry-"

"I'm going to have to fight him. At least this way, i won't be surprised. And...and i think im as ready as I'm going to be."

Severus gaped at him. He should have known he was going to suggest something stupid like this.

"But that means…you'll if you win, you'll die" Harry kissed him, long and sweet. He pressed their foreheads together, somehow more intimate than kissing.

"Yeah." He said after a moment.

"You can't." Severus said, his voice tight.

"I have to." Harry said, "Maybe I'll even see Hermione…" His voice caught and he looked down, still playing with Severus's hand.

"You can't." Severus said again

"This is what i was born to do. This is why i'm alive. And i think it's time. At least...at least let's go to dumbledore. See if its a good option." He said, cautiously. Too many times had he ruined things by rash action. Severus smiled sadly. Hed finally learned. And Severus couldn't argue with that.

"Okay." He sighed.

It was decided by a committee. By the time they were done, they all had tears in their eyes, none were too proud to admit it. But it had been decided. Harry had to go.

"The plan then." Dumbledore said, looking by far the saddest Harry had ever seen him, as if some kind of light had gone out. "Severus will arrange the date for next sunday afternoon. It will be in Hogsmeade park, where Severus will "trick" Harry with a book portkey. It will be set for 12:00 sharp. This will take him to Malfoy manor. However there will be at least three other portkeys to the same location, distributed to our most trusted. These will take them to him one minute after his original port key. 12:01. We can't risk us being earlier than you, Harry. You'll have to keep him off for one minute, do you understand?"

"Hell probably spend it all talking about how great he is." Harry predicted with a smile. The other chuckled softly. They had to admire his courage. But dumbledore pressed on.

" There is only one horcrux left- nagaini. We will had a team specifically tasked with killing her. The rest will keep voldemort and his supporters off of Harry untill she is dead. And then…"

Here he stopped. He didn't know what to say.

"And then you all step aside." Harry finished for him.

The week went quickly. Too quickly. He had a lot of last things he wanted to do. Fly. Catch another snitch. Go on a real date with Severus. Get to know Luna better. But he couldn't. All he did was sleep, study and practice dueling. He even neglected Severus. He knew he was too. And he was sorry. But Severus understood.

"Its okay." He said, the thousandth time Harry apologized. They were sitting in the Black family library, taking a rare break to simply hold each other. "I want you to focus. I want you to have every chance you can."

"Oh Darling." Harry said sadly. "Your not...holding out hope that I'll survive this, are you?"

Severus looked down, guilty as charged.

"That's not.." Harry started before clearing his throat. "Everything else in it has been completely right. Its… its fact. And besides, if you've ever known anything, you know that you can't out run a prophecy"

Severus pulled him closer. Time went too fast.

The night before was like nothing Harry had ever experienced. It was half way between a party and a wake.

Of course, not many people could be there, because not many people knew. Those that did had to be on lock down for the preceding three days, so that they couldn't somehow leak the plan to the enemy.

It was Harry, obviously. Ginny, who had never returned to school either. Severus, Dumbledore, Neville, who had returned to school but came back again quickly, after accidentally cursing his own ear off. He was still getting therapy at St Mungo's. Ron was there. It was the first time he'd seen him since…. He said nothing, but hugged Harry. He didn't let go for a long time. Everyone shared stories and secrets, hugs and kisses. There was toast after toast, but of pumpkin juice only. Harry had to be in good condition tomorrow. It was like preparing for the most bleak quidditch game ever.

Eventually, it was time to go to bed. Harry had to have a good night's sleep after all. He and Severus took hands. Severus was shocked, he never expected such a public acknowledgment of their relationship...but he was pleased.

"Was it worth it?" Harry asked, as they lay in bed together one last time. "Being with me. Knowing...knowing that there will be such grief tomorrow."

"Absolutely. I wouldn't change a thing." Severus replied, not a doubt in his mind. "Can i ask…" he bit his lip "possibly the most selfish thing I've ever done...I shouldn't ask more of you." Severus started, haltingly.

"Anything."

"Can i have something of yours?"

"Of course. What do you want? You'll be getting a lot of money." Harry said.

"Oh." Severus said, shocked. "Well...thank you. But i meant… just anything of yours, really. Something that smells like you. A shirt perhaps…" And Harry gave him the one off his own back.

And they kissed, and they made love. And dawn came too soon.

Harry stood shakily. All too aware that this was the last time he'd ever be doing this. 'Now, none of that.' he told himself. 'Hold yourself together.'

And he did, admirably, apart from one time when Ginny offered him the newspaper and he said "oh, I'll read it later" And then of course realized...he'd be doing no such thing. Everyone at the table suddenly went silent, frozen in grief.

"Come on everyone, don't look like that." Harry said, his voice tight. "You'll make me feel guilty and you don't want that on my last day. Eat" And they did, though it tasted like ash.

At 11:30, Severus met him at the door. "Ready?" he asked. Harry nodded, tried to smile.

They left, hand in hand. "Let's side along appreciate." Harry said suddenly.

"Yeah? You know where it is."

"Yeah. But i want to hold you."

Severus couldn't help but smile. So they did. They landed at the edge of Hogsmeade and hogwarts, just outside of the anti apparition parameters. Harry's heart soared to see the castle, but his stomach flopped, knowing it would be the last time.

They walked hand in hand down the path. And then-

"Is that Malfoy's dad?" He asked, as a pale man dipped into a shop in front of them. Shit, they were obviously being watched. Voldemort must not trust Severus as much as he made out.

The realization that they were being watched changed everything. Suddenly, it wasn't their last, real moments together, but an act. Severus scowled and Harry squeezed his hand gently.

"Is it?" Severus asked tersey. "I doubt it. It would be remarkably stupid for him to be here." He said, loudly enough for the man to hear. "He has no reason to be after all."

Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"So where are you taking me? Where is this surprise?" He asked, getting into character. It actually felt quite nice. Like he could fool himself, even for a second at a time, that this was a real date.

"Just down here. There's a picnic." Severus said gently.

"How romantic."

"And i have a gift."

"Ah, i don't have anything for you…"

"You've given me everything i could ever have dreamed of." Severus replied softly. They saw many other quasi questionable folk on their way, there was basically a legion of death eaters accompanying Harry to this little date. Harry stopped suddenly, and kissed Severus deeply, just because he could.

They got there too soon.

"Wow." Harry said, and he meant it. It took his breath away, Severus had clearly gone all out. It was a huge field of butter cups, and there, in the middle, was a blanket, embroidered with silver and gold. It shone in the light, like an Passos if solid sun. There were a thousand white roses, their scent filling the air. A violin played itself. Dish after dish of all Harry's favorite foods was set down neatly.

"This is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen." He said, his voice clearly catching. Aware that he was still being watched he added. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be sad. It's just...hermione."

"I understand." Severus said gently.

Severus wanted to grab Harry. To run. To stop all this. And he was sorely tempted. The only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that the others, the army that would soon be following them, their port keys would work even if Harrys didn't. And then they'd be stuck, stuck and slaughtered. Severus wondered if that was why Dumbledore had done it.

And then it was time. 11:59 "I have a gift for you…" Severus started. He pulled out a book, wrapped in gold and bound with a beautiful green ribbon.

"Oh Severus." Harry smiled, the barest hint of mischief in his eyes. "You shouldn't have."

Slowly, he opened it.

"It was from your mother…"

"Really?" Harry asked, genuinely surprised.

Well no, but Severus couldn't very well say that in front of all these death eaters now, could he? Oh well.

It was worn and tattered, clearly old. Harry tore the wrapping off and simply held it. Waiting. And then came the chiming of the church bells, and then… a tugging sensation at his navel. He was being pulled backwards, away from the safety and beauty and into-

He landed with a crash, onto hard stone floors and the smell of something toxic. And that familiar cruel laugh.

"Potter, Potter, Potter. What a pleasure it is to have a guest. Someone get him a chair." He waved his wand and suddenly, Harry was seated in a chair, held lightly by ropes. He was surrounded by death eaters, all jostling to get a better look at him. Seated high on a throne was the dark lord himself, and around his feet, Nagini.

Harry was suddenly, strangely calm. Hed done this before, he'd fought Voldemort before loads of time. This wasn't scary. This was strangely familiar.

"Hello Tom." He said.

"My name is Voldemort, boy."

"Oh so you do want people to call you that, okay, I thought you wanted them to be too scared-"

"Silence!" Voldemort spat. "I must say Potter you are in a shockingly good mood, glad to find yourself here? Finally given up? Or do you know something we don't?"

Harry had to think fast. "Severus will come and save me!" He said, doing his best to seem wide eyes and innocent.

The whole room exploded in laughter.

"Don't you know, boy? Haven't you realized? Famous Harry Potter, thinks he can charm everyone."

Harry let his smile slip."What?" He asked innocently.

"He's been using you, potter. This whole time, told us what you were like in bed and everything. 'Good body, but he just lays there'" The room laughed again. Harry felt a bit stung. Did he really say that? It was kind of true...

"And your ridiculous performance after that granger mudblood died. Said you just laid there like a doll, too stupid to even move. Although he made good use of you then as well potter. Ever wondered why you can't remember that time? He'd been modifying your memory. He was so bored he had to find some distraction. He used you. Knocked you out and used you."

With a jolt, Harry remembered how sore he'd been some mornings.

"N-no…"

"But then, apparently you weren't much more responsive when you were awake."

Laughter, again.

"Well i let him have his fun, might as well get some use out of you. Make up for all the time he had to listen to you prattle on about your many faults i expect. Oh yes he told us all about that as well. He didn't want to do any of this you know, why would he? But i made him, that's why he refused at the start."

Harry's heart sank. Suddenly, things started to make a lot more sense…

" Just like i made him bring you here."

"No!" Harry protested, all acting now gone. He looked down at his watch 12:02. His blood froze. It was true. No help was coming. This couldn't be real. He couldn't let this happen. He had to fight. He thought of Hermione and all those he'd let down if he failed. He. Pulsing fail. He had to do it alone.

As calmly as he could, he said. "Fight me like a man then, one on one. You never have before you know"

A look of hatred crossed voldemort's face, the crowd hissed, and Harry breathed deep.

With a wave of his wand, Voldemort transfigured the entire room. Now, it was a feild, the perfect size and shape to duel on. The death eaters were behind seemingly impassable boundaries. For the first time, a true 1 on 1 fight. But it wasn't fair and Harry knew it- he had to get Nagini first. But how?

But before he could think, they were off. A burst of light missed Harry by inches, reflexively, he shot a shield out, ducking low and winding up for his neck attack. But he couldn't do anything from behind a shield, he jumped out for just a moment, shot out a hex- and got blasted by curse so bad, it sheared the flesh right off of his arm. He screamed. But his hex had landed too, Voldemort was on the ground. Harry raised his wand, this time at nagini-

And suddenly BANG, Tonks, Shacklebolt and kingsley were there. Another BANG and more people, a third and the room was almost too crowded. And finally...A small "pop" and Severus was by his side. He couldn't look at the man, even mid duel, the scariest thing he could think of in that moment was that voldemort was right, that Severus didn't love him. But Severus took his hand. And suddenly Harry felt he could do anything. "I'm sorry Harry- I'm so sorry, there was an issue with the port keys."

"It's okay." He breathed. They were together again, and suddenly he could focus.

Voldemort immediately struck a defensive pose, conjuring the greatest shield he could muster. But of course, they weren't going for him, not yet. Nagini got slammed with curses and in moments lay dead. By now the death eaters had managed to get on the field and it was a true battle.

But they stuck to the plan. They did nothing more than keep the death eaters out of Harry's way, allowing him a clear shot at Voldemort.

Harry let out a scream of fury, and packed every part of his soul, every part of his power into this one curse. There was a burst of green light.

And it was all over.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey! I have decided to do one more chapter, although i would have preferred positive reinforcement rather than the negative that i got, but ah well. You guys were right in the end, i had fun with this chapter. I actually know how i'd continue it further, i may do a post war harry/Severus/Draco relationship, since i'm in a poly relationship myself. But, that's for the future. For now, enjoy.

A curse hit Severus so hard, his side split open. Tonks screamed in agony. And Harry hit the ground.

But then, so did voldemort.

Everyone froze, watching their two silent leaders. And then death eaters began to disappear. They knew what it meant, they didn't bother checking to see if their leaders was dead- it was pretty clear. His lifeless body lay motionless, his head at an unnatural angle.

But then, so did Harry.

Severus rushed forwards, only one thought in his mind- Get to Harry. But not all the death eaters had fled. Some had stayed and some were angry with him, now clearly a traitor, in particular. There was a bang, a flash of light. And then Nothing.

He awoke some two days later, on a bed in St Mungos. It took him a long time to figure out where he was and what happened. In agony, he rolled over, and his breath left his body. Harry lay on the next bed over, his small body curled in on itself.

Was he okay?

Despite the pain, despite the fact that every movement was agony, he stood, and walked to his young , he stretched a hand down. He was breathing. Severus's knees trembled and he threatened to sink to the floor.

Luckily, at that moment, a Healer came in and helped him to bed, admonishing him softly. But he didnt care. He knew Harry was alive and that was all that mattered.

"Now, Professor Snape." The Healer said, smiling. "Im Healer Collins and im actually the head Healer here. Im very glad to see you awake, but please don't overexert yourself."

He explained, as gently as possible, that the curse down Severus's side was practically nasty, and he may never move normally again. But all his thoughts were on Harry.

For the next few days he slipped in and out of consciousness, each time rolling over desperately to see if Harry had awoken yet. He hadn't. But Severus's hope didn't fade. As long as he was alive, there was hope.

Finally, Severus awoke. Actually awoke, not merely fought through a haze of uncertainty to check on his beloved. He was suddenly alert, and whole, and feeling surprisingly well. Not much later, McGonigal bustled in.

"Severus!" She said, clearly happy to see him awake. Severus was surprised, but did not object to this new found affection for him. "How are you?"

"Fine. How's Harry?" And then, as a clear after thought he added "How are you?" As she, too was in a hospital gown. "Oh fine, fine. I caught a nasty Havamal Hex, but they say im through the worst of it."

"Mhmm. And Harry?" Severus prompted, not caring and not caring to hide that fact. He hadn't changed that much.

"He…" She bit her lip. "Well. It appears that he actually was a horcrux."

Severus was stunned.

"Or, at least his scar was. And Voldemort killed that piece of him. And Harry himself, is...well in a sort of limbo."

Severus shifted. That...wasn't the best news. But it wasn't the worst either. People had come back from these things. He'd have to look up the various presidents and prior cases, but he knew it had happened before. Suddenly, he felt so tired.

"I'm sorry to disturb you." She said, standing. "You need to rest. I'm only in the next room over, if you feel better, come and see me."

Severus nodded, but he could barely keep his eyes open. He drifted into sleep once more.

By the time he awoke again, it was night, and hushed voices drifted towards him from Harry's bed.

"Terrible shame, of course." Said one. Severus was pretty sure it was the minister. But why was he there? "Just can't risk it."

"Yes." Another said, although they didn't seem too sad. "The prophecy was quite clear anyway. They both had to die."

Wait what? Severus thought wildly. But that mysterious voice continued.

"Harry made it quite clear it's what he wanted. He went bravely, lets not forget that."

"Yes…" said the minister again. "Are you quite sure we should not at least try for a cure though?"

"Would you risk He Who Must Not be Named coming back?"

"No…"

"Well. There you are then. The prophecy has spoken and we can't risk it. Let's take him off the life support charms. He can slip away quietly."

Severus froze. Were they going to kill Harry?

""That would be rather painful...won't he starve?" The minster asked sadly.

"He won't feel a thing. If you ask me, he's already gone anyway, minster."

"I can't… that's too much. Surely there's a potion you could use… an overdose of painkillers or something."

There was silence for a moment. Severus could barely believe it. They were trying to kill Harry. He shook with rage. Part of him wanted to jump up and kill them both then and there. He would have too, if he wasn't so weak.

And then. "It could be done. Tonight?"

"Uh. Yes. Best not to linger I think." The minster confirmed uncomfortably. "Best to get it over and done with."

Slowly, Severus rolled over, as quietly as he could. He opened his eyes just slightly and saw- the Head Healer, who'd been so nice before. He almost couldn't believe it. Surely this was some sort of awful fever dream? But no, it was far too real. Behind the monster's back,. Collins smiled evilly, and Severus swore revenge.

"Alright" Collins said. "I'll go get it"

"I'll be off too." The minister said quickly. "I don't need to be here for this"

They hurried out.

Severus jumped up. He had to do something, Get Harry out of there. He could do it, right? He had to. Maybe he was mad, he didn't know. But he's done enough battle healing to know the basics. He knew "life support charms" as that idiot called them (they were in fact an incredibly complicated cocktail of potions and charms calibrated to each person).

Lightly, he picked Harry up. And he almost fell over. The boy was heavy! He'd forgotten how muscular Harry was, never really taken into account how much that weighed. He froze, worrying that the sound had alerted someone. But they were used to strange sounds in the night, this was a magic hospital after all. Still, he knew he didn't have much time. He pulled Harry into a standing position, supported by magic and his own feeble arms. He apperated. That was sure to get their attention, it was hardly stealthy. But he didnt care. Again and Again, he apperated, the better to get them off of his trail. And then, an idea struck him. He needed somewhere to go that he wouldn't be followed. Hogwarts was out,. His cottage was out. Grimmauld place was certainly out.

But the shrieking shack was a good possibility.

He scowled. He hated to owe anything to that low life dog and the mangy werewolf, but he couldn't think of anything better. Besides, this way he could easily get to the castle, to his books and potions ingredients. It took almost an hour, but he dragged Harry inside, up the stairs and to the bed. It was still filthy, but at least it was safe. He wanted to fall down next to Harry, so badly. But he couldn't. He set up every ward, every charm he could think off, to get the others off of his trail. Only when he felt fully safe, did he crawl into bed next to Harry, submitting instantly to blissful; sleep.

No news reached Severus in the small shack, but the rest of the world was rocked

"DEATH EATER STEALS BOY WHO LIVED" read one head line

"HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED FAITHFUL CAPTURES HARRY POTTER"

And

"HIGH RANKING DEATH EATER SCUM ABDUCTS FALLEN HERO"

And the man hunt was on. His former "allies" didn't hesitate to throw him under the bus, Lupin especially came forward with all sorts of stories.

But Severus wasn't a brilliant spy (perhaps even the world's best) for nothing. Each day he regained his strength, and each day he kept Harry safe.

Those that knew the couple were astonished. It just didn't make sense. Why had Severus waited till now to harm Harry, if indeed, that's what he was doing? Most were convinced that it was. They reverted back to their hatred and distrust of the man very easily. But McGonigal wasn't. She thought back to their last conversation. The man had been so concerned with Harry, so genuinely worried...she trusted him.

And so she tracked them. She knew they had to be near Hogwarts. It was perhaps Severus's fatal flaw. In all his long life, he'd never really left. Not as a student, not as a teacher. She knew he had to be close.

And it was easy enough to bribe, trick or intimidate the portraits into giving her information. Yes, they were there. They had seen him slipping into his potions cupboard. But where exactly? They had no idea.

Severus, meanwhile was making some amount of progress. Harry still hadnt regained consciousness, not by a long shot. But he was now making involuntary movements, and that alone was good.

He had researched other cases of this thoroughly, and had come to a basic conclusion. The issue was either too much magic in his system, a sort of overload, or too little. But seeing as these were opposites and contradity solutions, it didn't help much.

One week shuffled into the next, and little changed. Severus was starting to get anxious. Yes, the movement was good, but it wasn't enough. Besides, by now he had heard the latest headlines...He lay back on the bed. He was willing to admit, that he maybe hadn't thought this through entirely. He had just been so scared for Harry...he clearly hadn't thought with his usual clarity though, and for this he cursed himself.

He looked down at Harry's body. He couldn't help but smile, every time he saw him. He gathered the boy up in his arms and kissed him lightly on the temple. That always made him feel better. But still fear crept in. What if he wasn't good enough? What if he failed this, failed Harry? He couldn't bare to think about it. Instead, he buried his face in Harry's chest, and breathed deeply. Tomorrow would be better, he promised them both.

But outside, McGonigal had finally got an idea. The shrieking shack had not shrieked in almost 18 years. Even the local people were getting rather casual about it. Cautiously, she turned into her cat form, and approached. She slunk low to the ground, hiding amongst the tall grass. There, on the top floor, was a broken window. Surely she could squeeze through it.

She scaled the wall quickly and easily, jumping from one window ledge to the next with grace. God she loved being a cat! She got in, landing neetly. She took a moment to wash herself, before heading forward. Her hearing was much more acute and immediately, she knew she was in the right place. Two people breathed deeply in a neighboring room. Both men, both injured. This had to be it.

Still low to the ground, still cautious, she stepped forward. Both of them would know her form instantly, of course. It was no disguise. But she was small and silent, and there was a chance they simply wouldn't notice. On this, she gambled. And she won.

The two of them lay sleeping on the bed, entwined in each other's arms. Her heart immediately softened. She couldn't help but purr. It was clear to her that Severus hadnt meant Harry any harm. He was probably just addled by too much magic, driven insane by the war. She didn't blame him. But she couldn't let this happen to Harry, he needed proper care. She sighed.

She left quickly, before she could be detected by Severus. Even injured and asleep, the man was dangerous.

She lept back out the window. She wasn't entirely sure what to do next, however. She truly wanted the best for both men, although she had no doing that meant a mental asylum for Severus. In any case, she had to control it, she couldn't just go to the police.

She went to Dumbledore instead. They gathered up the loyal supporters, (though internationally leaving out Lupin, they didn't want to upset him further.) And headed out.

Though they weren't so lucky this time. This time, Severus was awake, tending to Harry. And he heard them approaching. He had more than enough time to get ready, throwing up every shield he could think of, through more around Harry than him. By the time the warriors set foot in the room, it was clear they were up against some serious magic.

"Severus…" Dumbledore started, taking in the slightly wild look in his eyes, his deschelved clothes, his obviously injured body. He certainly looked mad. "Let's be reasonable about this"

To be fair, Severus hadn't been expecting him. He'd been expecting the Minister and his assassins, after Harry. He paused.

"All we want is to look after Harry." Dumbledore continued smoothly. "Will you allow that?"

It was a trick question and everyone knew it, but it was a good one. There was no way Severus could say no. Instead he said.

"As long as he stays here."

"And why is that?"

"They want to kill him…"

"No, Voldemort is dead. " Dumbledore said, calmly and slowly as if speaking to a child. He meant it nicely, to calm the man. It wildly irritated him.

"Not him! Them!" Severus spat. "The minister."

Now dumbledore really knew Severus was mad. He sighed.

"No, Severus. That's not true" God, it drove Severus absolutely mad. After everything he'd done, after everything he sacrificed, they still simply did not believe him. Every bad memory, every shred of hate and bitterness came back to him. Nothing had changed. It was just like when Black was getting into the castle and no one trusted him, it was just like when he was bitten by Fluffy and no one helped him, it was like every time he'd ever been rejected. Again and Again and Again, and nothing changed. And he knew in that instant he could kill all of them, he didn't care if he died too, in fact he almost wanted to. He just need this to stop.

But Harry shifted, moaned just slightly. It was enough to draw them all in, each praying, hoping just for a moment, for a miracle.

Harry was worth staying alive for. He was worth fighting for, and he knew if he didnt, Harry would go straight back to Collins, and the minister, and he'd die. And he couldn't have that. Sohe kept his temper, though it pushed his strength of will almost to the breaking point.

"I can prove it." He said solow. "Bring me a pensive. I'll show you the memory."

And they did. It took them almost an hour- during which Severus wouldn't let anyone get even close to Harry- but they did it.

Wordlessly, he deposited the memory.

Mcgonial was first. She emerged, anger all over her face. "He's right" she said simply. They went one by one, each coming out enraged, dismayed, and shocked. He tried not to be offended that they were shocked he was actually telling the truth, but he couldn't quite manage it.

Finally, Dumbledore was the only one left.

"Well?" Severus asked tartly.

"I don't have to look. If they believe you Severus, I do"

It was meant to be a compliment, a show of faith. It didn't quite work, it was far too little too late. But Severus didn't comment.

"So what do we do?" Someone asked. Secretly, Severus was actually glad to have others around. It was good not to have to take full responsibility for everything.

It was decided that they would go to the press, expose everyone and everything. But that Harry would stay hidden. That's all Severus really cared about, he let the others deal with the rst.

A makeshift hospital was set up in the shrieking shack, mainly because Severus refused to leave Harry, and he still needed physical therapy for his side.

One month dragged in to the next and he only had a dim awareness of the outside world. He knew there were lynch mobs out for Collins and the minister had to step down for his own safety, but that was about it. He didn't care for much. Untill-

"Where's severus?" Harry mumbled, before he even opened his eyes. He heard screams, yells of delight, someone crying. But it all seemed so far away.

"He's doing physical therapy… he'll be so sad he wasn't here...he's barely left your side." Mrs Weasley half cried.

"Stop jabbering and get him mum" ginny admonished.

And so she did. Barely a moment later, Severus burst in, gathering Harry up in his arms.

"I've missed you." Harry said, before falling into unconsciousness once more.

But that alone was a great step, and from there it was only a matter of time untill a full recovery.

Barely a week later and he was sitting up in bed, the sun streaming through the window and bathing him in golden light. "So what actually happened?" he asked for the first time.

"Well..." Severus said, pulling him even closer, although they were so entwined he didn't know how that was possible "let's put it this way. Your going to have one hell of a lawsuit on your hands." Severus warned him

"That's okay. I can fight anything, with you by my side."


	10. The story continues

Hey- Just in case any one is curious, I'm doing a squeal to this, which is now live. It has Draco, Harry and Severus. I'm in a poly relationship myself, so its really fun to work this out, although it wont be a walk in the park for any of them. It may get a little dark, not sure yet. Anyway, if you enjoyed this, know that the story continues in "The third light"


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